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Apr 17

What’s A Mom To Do?

Posted on Tuesday, April 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

Taxes are due this week.  Tax preparers prepare tax returns, but what’s a mom to do with her drunk son?

Let me explain.

Desean loved his friends.  It’s not that he disliked his family, he just loved to get out of his noisy, cramped apartment to have fun. 1

One night, a Wednesday night, Desean stayed out late. 

His mom and sister trusted him, but this was a school night, and he was late.  Not only was he late, but he wasn’t answering his cell phone.  His sister started to worry, but it wasn’t until Desean’s younger sister called their mom did she even know that he was late.

Desean’s mom worked until 11:00 P.M. When she returned home from work her panic set in. Calls to his best friend went unanswered.  Texts to other friends were dead ends.

While she disliked calling him, she called her “ex”, Desean’s father.  Though she disliked him, she knew Desean should spend time with his father.  She called  “hoping” that Desean had spend the evening with his father.  He wasn’t a good partner for her, but he tried to be a good dad.

With a mix of concern, fear and accusation she asked, “Is D there?  He hasn’t come home.”

He hadn’t.  Desean’s dad restrained himself and didn’t say something stupid. A few crossed his mind:

– “He would know better if he lived with me.”
– “Why aren’t you watching out for him better?”

Fifteen minutes later Desean staggered into their apartment completely drunk.

Drunk.  As far as she knew he had never been drunk before.

What’s a mom to do? 2

Continue to give him his previous responsibilities.
– Expect him to attend school.  Don’t call him in “sick.” because of  his “stomach ache.”
– Expect him to arrive at school on time.  Limited functionality is not a good excuse.
– Expect him to clean up his own vomit.  His choices.  His puke.  His problem.
– Expect him to cooperate at school. 
– Expect him to complete his schoolwork as assigned.
– Expect him to apologize to his sister for not answering her panicked calls.

Follow up with natural logical consequences.

Wayne Thyren clarifies this, “Don’t make statements you can’t enforce.” 3

Unenforceable: “As long as you live in this house, you will not drink.”
Enforceable: “I’ll be glad to let you use the car, as long as I don’t have to worry about your use of alcohol.”
Enforceable: “I will take you to detox, if you come home drunk.”

 

1 – “Desean” is not his real name.

2 – These consequences are not intended to be comprehensive. They are just some suggestions that have been utilized successfully by other caring concerned parents.

3 – For more than twenty years Wayne Thyren has been my mentor and friend.  Wayne has offered wise counsel, caring support and practical education for a decades.  Wayne is currently developing a support group for caring and concerned parents.  Here is his contact information.

Bring on the comments

  1. […] What’s A Mom To Do? […]

  2. Hello there! I found your website on Google, and I like it.

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  4. Thank you Al!
    Join us again!

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  7. Interesting^^

  8. You’re so kind Audrey!
    I hope you continue to find mysilentscream.com Interesting^^
    =D

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