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Apr 18

What’s A Dad To Do?

Posted on Wednesday, April 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

Taxes are due this week. Tax preparers prepare tax returns, but what’s a dad to do with his drunk son who lives with his ex-wife? 1

Let me explain.

Desean loved his friends. It’s not that he disliked his family, he just loved to get out of his noisy, cramped apartment to have fun.

One night, a Wednesday night, at 11:30 P.M. you got a call from your ex. She snarled, “Is D there? He hasn’t come home.”

He hadn’t. You hadn’t any idea why she was asking, but based on her tone of voice she was angry, frustrated and scared.

You recognized the tone, but this time it wasn’t your fault.

Desean stayed out late.

Fault. It wasn’t yours, but was it her fault you wonder to yourself?

– “Desean would know better if he lived with me.”
– “Why aren’t you watching out for him better?”
– “Why do you think he’s here when something goes wrong?”

Old feelings arose, but he restrained himself and didn’t say something stupid.

They hung up a minute later agreeing to contact one another if either heard from Desean.

Fifteen minutes later Desean staggered into his mom’s apartment completely drunk.

Desean’s sister, from another relationship, texted: “D’s home. He’s drunk.”

Drunk. As far as she knew he had never been drunk before.

What’s A Dad To Do? 2

“Boys need fathers to emotionally bond with them early in life. Boys need to know their fathers care for them unconditionally, referred to as ‘the blessing’ by Vogt & Sirridge. Fathers need to model gender role flexibility and be able to acknowledge and take pride in their sons’ growing competence. When fathers are not physically living with their sons, they need to be emotionally present in their sons’ lives and available when needed.” 3

Dads can overpower their sons and daughters. Using tone, volume, emotional strength and physical size many dads have hurt their children.

With that in mind, God cautions: “Fathers, do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying…do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” 4

Fatherhood a wonderful role and responsibility one that needs to be embraced and nurtured with strong but tender care.

Boys — of any age — need fathers  “to be emotionally present in their sons’ lives and available when needed.”


1 – The responses of yesterday’s post are no more exclusive to a custodial mother, than these in this post are exclusive to a non-custodial father. They are used here for illustrative (and historically repeated) value.

2 – These suggestions are not intended to be comprehensive. They are suggestions that have been utilized successfully by other caring concerned parents.

3 – The Challenge of Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys by Ronald J. May. Download it here.

4 – Colossians 3:21

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