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Apr 4

Unhealthy Expectations And Choices

Posted on Thursday, April 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

aschoolAll us us have to cope with the challenges of peer pressure. When we face peer pressure situations it helps to understand our motives.

Often we don’t let down the internal pressure because we feel that the expectations of others don’t let us — or at least that’s what we think.

We assume “making people happy” is a sign of being a good friend, when it really drives us to a dangerous place and perpetuates unreasonable expectations.

You have choices.
I have choices.


We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

We may feel trapped in our relationships, our family, our schools, our jobs, our life. We may feel trapped into doing what others want us to do.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of dysfunctional relationships (codependency). When we hear ourselves say any of the list below, it’s important to admit to ourselves that we are choosing not to see choices.
“I have to say yes…”
“I have to take care of this person…”
“I have to try to control that person…”
“I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way…”

When we think those thoughts we are denying our choices.
When we act on those thoughts we are denying our choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

Ask yourself: What choices have come to mind?
Ask yourself: Who can help me to make wise, but tough choices?

Tell yourself: I will make choices that are good for me.


Note – Some of these thoughts were adapted from Melody Beattie’s The Language Of Letting Go

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