A teen who slams the door.
A mother who confronts her daughter’s teacher.
A child who scream in the mall.
A father who challenges his son’s coach.
Why so angry?
Why did they get so angry?
Why do I get so angry?
Why do you?
It’s important to understanding where our anger is coming from.
exploring how it is affecting our lives, and our relationships with others is important.
To manage our anger, it is important:
– To become aware of situations that prompts anger
– To notice what we are doing when we feel get angry
– To recognize what the consequences are.
I’m not a hunter, but having shot a gun or two I understand that the trigger begins the sequence of events that follow leading to the gun firing. Triggers are those things that catalyzes our angry feelings.
External Triggers are what happens to us, our circumstances.
– A crush lies about her/his weekend plans.
– A spouse questions you with a “tone.”
– A supervisor puts you down.
– A friend rolls their eyes in your direction when talking to another friend.
– A teacher mocks your attempt to answer a question.
Internal Triggers are the messages we give ourselves — our “self-talk.”
– Most people wound themselves more than others do.
– Most people attack themselves with self-judgments.
– Most self-abusive attacks are based on false assumptions, myths and incorrect information.
Not certain what are your anger-triggers are? Learn how your body reacts.
– Does your forehead sweat?
– Do your armpits sweat?
– Do your armpits itch?
– Do you start to “feel flushed”?
– Does your face get red?
– Does your heart rate accelerate?
Knowing these signs and our body’s response to anger will increase our level of self-awareness.
- Self-monitor the responses
- Journal the responses
By keeping track of our angry responses we can begin to change our responses to anger.
Les Carter and Frank Minirth have identified several myths that catalyze angry feelings: 1
Myth 1 – My history of rejection leaves me emotionally depleted.
Myth 2 – God should have stopped my problems.
Myth 3 – Letting go of my anger means I am conceding defeat.
Myth 4 – No one understands my unique problems.
Myth 5 – I don’t deserve to be happy.
Myth 6 – There is nothing to look forward to anymore.
1 – From The Anger Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth, published by Thomas Nelson Publishers.