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Apr 19

Torn In Pieces

Posted on Tuesday, April 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

I raced home from TreeHouse last night excited to see my wife. Amy had been gone to see family for more than I week. I couldn’t get home fast enough.

I was, and am, thrilled to see her, but other news tempered my mood.

When I arrived I was shocked by the sudden and tragic death of Brianna Van Asch and then two hours later my friend Kari Mathisen asked if I would support her family as her great aunt passed. That news followed a week in which so many people around me grieved the loss of Abby and Michael the victims of a murder-suicide known locally as the “Festival Foods Murders”.

So Much Sadness

All morning I’ve been playing 4 Non Blondes’ song “What’s Up”. It’s a haunting and touching song about pain.

Note – The music video feels nothing like the song lyrics, but here it is.

What’s Up

Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What’s going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what’s going on?
ooh, ooh ooh
and I try, oh my God do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my God do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I’m lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What’s in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What’s going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what’s going on?
Twenty-five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination

This is Good Friday and Easter week, for me it’s a time of somber reflection and gratitude.

Years ago another song writer sang a similar message:
My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Why are you so far away when I groan for help?
Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.
Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.
[Psalm 22:1-2]

While I wish that life was pain-free, it’s not.
While I wish that sorrow and sadness never entered in, they do.

Fortunately, on this week more than most I find incredible comfort — I feel less alone — knowing that Jesus Christ repeated those same sad, lonely words while he was crucified. And, I think to myself, “My God, my God you know how I feel.”

Please pray with me for Abby & Michael’s families as they continue grieving.
Please pray with me for Brianna & Kari’s families as they start grieving.

Bring on the comments

  1. Coming up on a year since Brianna was taken from this world, and on to the next. This is the first time I’ve seen your post Scott, and brings back so many memories. One of which really stands out is what a beautiful prayer service you had given us at her wake. I’m ever so thankful for your words that night. May God continue to bless you and your family.
    Brenda Van Asch

  2. Brenda,
    Thank you for your kind words.
    I fought back tears as I thought of how sad it was that we needed to have that celebration of Brianna’s life at such a young age.
    Then, and now, I am honored that I was privileged to stand alongside your family as you grieved together.
    Much love,
    Scott

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