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Oct 4

There’s The Beat!

Posted on Tuesday, October 4, 2011 in Uncategorized

Yesterday I wrote about my music shame. You can read about it here.

I didn’t mention it yesterday, but I had never actually heard and followed the beat in a song until August 7, 1998. I was thirty-five years old.

How can I be so certain? How do I know the exact date?

I was at a concert. I saved the ticket stub.

I was at a reggae show with some TreeHouse teens. “Tansoback” was the leader of the reggae group Christafari. 1

Tansoback, seeing the audience’s enthusiasm, wanted to teach us to “dance reggae.” Gathering the attention of his band mates, he gave instructions.  Instrument by instrument each of the players stopped playing until the drum kept the final beat.

— VOILA! —

There was the beat. I heard it clearly.

Following the beat “Tansoback” led us into a simple dance. It was unmistakable. I remembered thinking to myself, “This is what everyone always talked about!”

That day, for the first day in my life, I was certain that I knew where the beat was in the song.

I had a taste of rhythm.

I had often felt defective. I could never tap along like others. I was off-beat.

I “shamed” myself. I wanted to think otherwise, but I thought I was hopelessly defective.

Just to be clear, “shame” is NOT an emotion. Shame is a belief, or a mindset, about me/you as a person.
Robert McGee explains that when we internalize shame we tell ourselves, “I must always be what I have been and live with whatever self-worth I have. I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless.” 2

Shame is a lie that screams there is something wrong with us that can never be repaired.

I lived in shame and wanted something better.

That was then, this is mysilentscream.

More tomorrow.

1 – My favorite Christafari album is Valley of Decision.  It’s available used on Amazon shipped for about $5.00.  =D

2 – Robert S. McGee’s Search for Significance has had a very positive effect on my life.  You can find a copy here.

Bring on the comments

  1. Hooray for finding the beat! Yeah! Exhilerating (sp?) isn’t it? On a side note, ever confuse shame with embarrassment?

  2. Yeah!
    And, yes, shame and embarrassment can be similar.
    I think the difference is where it’s path ends.
    Shame runs deep.

  3. […] week I wrote about shame.  You can resume that series on shame we had some fun with it, defined it, and practically explained how culturally bound and complicated shame-filled groups can […]

  4. […] Trivia – I know exactly when I first knew I heard the “beat” in a song. It was August 7, 1998. You can read about it here. […]

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