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Jul 30

Frail

Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2014 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

FrailBart Simpson wrote, “I will not torment the emotionally frail.”

Seth Gobin wrote, “All of us fail. Successful people fail often, and, [they] learn more from that failure than everyone else.”

What doesn’t help? “Getting good at avoiding blame and casting doubt.” To paraphrase Gobin, while it may seem like blame increase your chances for survival and happiness, in fact it merely prevents you from learning from worthwhile failures.

“I will not torment the emotionally frail (including myself)”

Sometimes we put the blame on ourselves. Over the years I’ve probably been hardest on myself when I failed, or when someone was hurt because of me.

Feb 14

Beauty: See it. Believe it. Say it. Stand by it.

Posted on Friday, February 14, 2014 in Emotional, How To, Music, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

snow_heartIn this the final slice in a series of posts reflecting on the songs of Bruno Mars we’re examining the virtues of his perspective in his song “Just the Way You Are.”

If you need to catch up a bit:
1. Bruno, What’s On Your Mind?
2. Ruins and Regrets
3. 5 Suggestions 4 Living With A Broken Heart
4. Bonding In The Backseat, Breakup In The Bedroom

Just the Way You Are

On Just The Way You Are Bruno Mars wants the object of his affection to know that he thinks she’s beautiful. I don’t think I’ve met a woman who didn’t want to be thought of as beautiful by her loved ones.

Feb 13

Bonding In The Backseat, Breakup In The Bedroom

Posted on Thursday, February 13, 2014 in Emotional, Relational, Spiritual, Values

Bruno3These last few days we’ve been looking at some Bruno Mars songs and lyrics since he was featured on the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Marriage

Today is Amy and my 320-month wedding anniversary. Yes, I still count months because I treasure our marriage.  MySilentScream is here Inspiring Great Relationships Every Day and I hope to inspire you to treasure marriage, whether it’s yours or not.

In “Marry You” Bruno sings,

Cause it’s a beautiful night,
We’re looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you.

Feb 12

5 Suggestions 4 Living With A Broken Heart

Posted on Wednesday, February 12, 2014 in Emotional, How To, Music, Relational, Social, Values

Bruno2In Bruno, What’s On Your Mind? and Ruins and Regrets Bruno Mars described the dangerous relationships he pursued.

Women aren’t the only ones who live with the wounds of a broken heart.

Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man” describes the pain of his own broken heart.

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
‘Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

Feb 11

Ruins and Regrets

Posted on Tuesday, February 11, 2014 in Emotional, How To, Music, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Bruno1In Bruno, What’s On Your Mind? he reveals the kind of relationships he’s pursued.

In Our First Time he goes into more details.

And now now here we are
In this big old empty room
Staring at each other, who’s gonna make the first move?
Been doing our thing for a minute
And now both our hearts are in it
The only place to go, is all the way

His intentions are obvious.
His intents are clear.

Is that alright?
Is that okay?

Just in case she says, “NO!” he answers his own question.

Aug 20

Comic Book Failure

Posted on Tuesday, August 20, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Justice League106Yesterday I explained that I began reading comic books when I was ten years old. Then for more than twenty years I didn’t read a single issue.

So when I resumed reading comic books initially it was to both revisit some special childhood memories and then to complete some stories with unresolved cliffhangers.

Little did I know that as I read I’d find meaningful lessons. For example, the comic book depicted here.

We’re Not Alone

Justice League was a team-based comic book series that faced only the biggest most challenging challenges. Their membership combined some of the greatest heroes in the DC Comic universe.

Jun 28

6 Ways To Help People Who Messed Up

Posted on Friday, June 28, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

536498_mother_and_sonEvery time we choose to show empathy we bless the other person with respect and we bless ourselves with self-respect.

Show empathy to those who mess up.

6 Ways To Help People Who Messed Up

1. Help her or him to realize what they have done.

2. Don’t make things worse by supporting their error or giving them excuses.

3. Listen for what is behind what they have done.

4. Tell them the truth.
– Locate The Trouble Spots.
– Try to assess what has gone wrong.
– Ask yourself, “How did we get into this mess?”
– Apologize When You’re Wrong.
– It is foolish to let pride and insecurity keep us from repairing and restoring.

Jun 5

Address It

Posted on Wednesday, June 5, 2013 in Education, Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, TreeHouse, Values

a_studying_for_a_test_1Today some friends and I will be addressing, printing, folding, stuffing, sealing and stamping letters and envelopes. As much as we might want the letter to arrive if one of those steps gets missed the letters will not likely reach their destination.

Of course we could be sincere, earnest, dependable and determined. but…
… if the address is wrong it won’t reach the intended readers
… if the print is illegible the readers can’t read it
… if the folds are in the wrong places the letters won’t fit
… if the letters are stuffed in a haphazard way they won’t seal
… if the “seal” on the envelope doesn’t seal the letter may fall out
… if the stamp is not affixed the letter will not be delivered

Mar 28

Stop Hiding

Posted on Thursday, March 28, 2013 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

alone-62253_640Sunday my friend and pastor Steve Wiens recommended three prayers for Holy Week this year, including: “God, reveal where I’m hidden and help me to see.”

Shame

The shame of a wounded conscience is a trap. It’s a lie that tries to convince us that hopelessly defective: “I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless.”

Shame is the deep feeling of guilt, sadness, and hopelessness that we experience when we become convinced that our shadows, scars and scandals doom us. That past failures, bad habits or poor appearance has made a permanent scar on our self-worth.

Mar 27

Wandering

Posted on Wednesday, March 27, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Spiritual, TreeHouse, Values

direction-95475_640Last night as I sat in a TreeHouse support group I sat in awe.

There surrounded by junior high teens I found myself grateful for their patient listening, gracious sharing and genuine compassion.

Most of the teens in my small group had been part of TreeHouse only a few weeks, yet directly and indirectly each teen reminded the other that “this is a safe place.”

Safe places are too few and far between. Those safe places, cared for and nurtured by safe people are safe harbors for the strong and the able, the weak and the wounded, and the lost and the wandering.