I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that.

I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that, and just be yourself.

(Tears filled my eyes as I typed that.)

The less I cared about being cool and the more I decide to become the kind of person I admired the more I like myself.

I gave out my cell phone number to a new friend this week.

As soon as I shared my number I felt obligated to explain a few things:
– I don’t answer very often
– I don’t text back very quickly
– I don’t answer when I’m busy
– I don’t respond to people who call or text repeatedly

A few years ago I decided it was easier to explain this list of annoyances when I share my number than to have to make apologies.

Recently I sat among a group of people all of whom respected one another. We share some common goals. We share some common hopes and dreams. While we were discussing those goals and hopes and dreams, one person spoke up.

The room of people turned.
We looked and listened.

She is well-respected.
She is respect-worthy.
She has a very respected legacy.

She is a leader among leaders.

And, in this group of people:
When she spoke people listened.
When she led people followed.
When she thought out-loud people agreed.

And, when she had a misguided suggestion there was buy-in.

Sunday my friend and pastor Steve Wiens recommended three prayers for Holy Week this year, including: “God, reveal where I’m hidden and help me to see.”

Shame

The shame of a wounded conscience is a trap. It’s a lie that tries to convince us that hopelessly defective: “I am what I am. I cannot change. I am hopeless.”

Shame is the deep feeling of guilt, sadness, and hopelessness that we experience when we become convinced that our shadows, scars and scandals doom us. That past failures, bad habits or poor appearance has made a permanent scar on our self-worth.

Far too often when I feel that I am making progress my own propensity for old patterns and choices arises.

Not sure you know what I mean?

Have you had a Snickers instead of salad when you were hoping to eat more healthy?

Were you praying for patience and cursing out other drivers?

Were you still smarting from some ill-timed words when you assumed someone “gave you a look”? Only to find out they meant nothing by it!

Most of us are unwilling to be accountable. Too often we highlight the wrongs of others and dismiss or justify our own.

For many of us, “No” is the first word that we spoke.

And, we heard it throughout our childhood:
“No, you can’t do that.”
“No, you’re not old enough.”
“No, you’re not big enough.”

As we got older people used “No” as a weapon:
“No, you’re not pretty enough.”
“No, you’re not smart enough.”
“No, you’re not good enough.”

“No” can protect.
“No” can push away.

Push-Away Politely

Scenarios: You are – asked out, flirted with, asked to dance, offered a drink, etc. – by someone you’re not interested in. What can you do?

It’s Valentines Day week and I have news for you: If you’re single and not dating there is nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with you!

Stop feeling defective.
Stop feeling incomplete.
Stop feeling not-good-enough.

You were created, born, and are now and always, lovable, capable and worthwhile.

This week I want to bless you and remind of of those realities.

I also want to give you – dating or not – some FREE fun ideas to share with a friend or friends.

Active Choices

Need a jump-start for your character?

Try forgiveness.

Forgive Yourself and Forgive Others.

There are three common possibilities after conflict occurs:
– Conflict escalates
– Conflict goes underground
– Conflict is resolved constructively

So often when we screw up we respond one of three ways:
– Defend
– Deflect or Deny
– Deal with it

Fortunately, our perspective does not limit God’s perspective.

Last night after my wife Amy finished celebrating her Green Bay Packers victory we started prepping dinner. While making dinner The Simpsons came on.

If you don’t know, most Simpsons episodes begins with an opening sequence of several short clips including Bart Simpson satisfying a consequence by writing a phrase on the classroom chalkboard.

Known as the chalkboard gag, Wikipedia explains, “the chalkboard gag is a running visual joke that occurs during the opening credits of many episodes. In this gag, Bart Simpson is writing a unique phrase on the chalkboard repeatedly; when the school bell rings, he immediately stops writing and runs out of the classroom.” 1

Subtitled, “Discovering The Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle”, Michael John Cusick begins with an abrupt and compelling question, “What’s Better than Porn?” He spends the majority of the rest of the book answering that question.

“You and I were created to fly. But something has gone terribly wrong…Adam and Eve lost their innocence and…barely a day goes by that I don’t hear a story about a man losing his (innocence) in exchange for pornography…(and) the losses are devastating.”