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Jan 11

We Need Perspective

Posted on Friday, January 11, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

We need wisdom.
We need clarity.

We need accountability.
We need to stop pretending.

We need to admit we need others.
We need someone to be honest with us.

We need to pull our head out of…
We need to shut down the machine we use to crank out “I can handle this alone.”

We Need Perspective

Usually when we’re worried or upset
that we start trying to force it, to fake it, to “make it happen,”
then things start falling apart;
it’s because we’ve lost perspective.

Dec 17

The Anger Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth

Posted on Monday, December 17, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Reviews, Social, Spiritual, Values

Twenty years ago as I was working through some of my unresolved anger I saw The Anger Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth on a book shelf. 

This book’s insights, probing questions and the subsequent dialogues that followed certainly contributed to my healing.  In turn, I have shared insights from this book with several people.

Fortunately, for all of us this book has been re-released.  

Carter and Minirth explain their Thirteen Steps Toward Anger Management:

Step 1. Learn to recognize the many faces of anger.

Step 2. Admit that all angry expressions, good or bad, are the result of choices.

Dec 11

Our Journey Our Fear

Posted on Tuesday, December 11, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Jesus Christ’s journey meant that he spent time at parties, dinners, friends’ houses, and enemies’ houses. 

He learned.
He listened.

He told jokes.
He gave hugs.
He laughed.

Jesus explained to the the people, “I am the world’s Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in.

The Pharisees objected, ‘All we have is your word on this. We need more than this to go on.‘” 1

I couldn’t agree more.
Not with Jesus.
With the Pharisees.

Dec 10

The Journey

Posted on Monday, December 10, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

The Journey Is As Important As the Destination

Traveling through the Twin Cities today has been anything but easy.
– Lengthy delays
– Slippery streets
– Stressed drivers
– Exhausted snowplow drivers
– Anxious bus drivers
– Fed up commuters
– Snow-day praying students who got a “no” answer

Our Destination

Our destination is just a tiny slice of our journey.
– We worry about approval
– We strain toward goals
– We stretch for benchmarks
– We dream about the future
– And too often we miss the present

When we’re fixated on the next, we miss the now.

Aug 8

Four Promises Of Forgiveness

Posted on Wednesday, August 8, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Yesterday in Pumpkin-Seed & Peeps I mentioned that embattled people can still be gracious.

It’s true.

We can choose to respect people we don’t like.
– We can choose to tolerate your differences.
– We can choose to talk things out rather than stuff your annoyances.

We can choose to bring happiness.
– If we hug people, let’s offer everyone hugs.
– We can all choose to forget the drama.
– We can all choose to forgive the guilty.

That final point, “choose to forgive the guilty” is a sticking point for many.

Jun 23

Don’t Settle, Get Support

Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2012 in Relational

“Whoever does not have a good father should procure one.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

I love that quote.
– Do you wish that you had a trustworthy father figure? Find one.
– Do you wish that you had an affirming father figure? Find one.
– Do you wish that you had a playful father figure? Find one.
– Do you wish that you had a wise father figure? Find one.

If I was looking for a father figure I would look in a good church. Honest.  Regardless what you’ve heard, there are many good people in good churches who are making a positive difference in the world. 

Jun 22

Father Hunger & Approval

Posted on Friday, June 22, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

When did your parents say nice things to you and about you? How did you feel? Or, sadly, maybe you can’t think of a time when you parents gave you positive attention.

Robert McGee wrote, “Every rejection reminded me that as a child I had never experienced the love from my father that I wanted–that I deserved.”

“When father/child relationships become seriously distorted, children lose perspective. They cease to feel valued and valuable. Having learned that more is required than merely being, children soon turn to doing by trying to behave in a way that pleases the parent.”

Jun 21

Grief, Loss & Father Hunger

Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

Because the trajectory of our lives is affected by our relationship with our fathers it must be examined. When our relationship with our dad has left wounds and scars, our “father hunger” needs attention.

Try to be honest, do you feel a sense of loss when you think of your relationship with your father? If so, how do you cope with that loss?

Grief, Loss & Father Hunger

Susan Berger is a researcher studying the grief and loss of others:
– She interviewed hundreds of people
– She studied how they have been able to move on after the death of a loved one.

Jun 20

Emotional Signs of Father Hunger

Posted on Wednesday, June 20, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual

Monday I proposed that what comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

Yesterday I supported my opinion that “father hunger” affects us deeply.  Many people have a void inside them that is due to “father hunger,” and this disguised hunger has had great impact on the way they live.

I finished by asking four questions:

How hungry am I?
How hungry are you?
Do you know someone starving?
How would we know?

Emotional Signs of Father Hunger

Jun 19

Perspective

Posted on Tuesday, June 19, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Values

Yesterday I proposed that what comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

SUPPORTIVE Perspectives

Here are four philosophical perspectives that supportive my position.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.
– Sigmund Freud

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.
– Carl Jung

The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.
– Benjamin Spock