Norman Vincent Peale taught a generation of people to improve relationships, set aside differences and build community.  Here are a few of his insights.

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE

1. Like. If you genuinely like people, like to be with them, like to talk with them, and like to be helpful to them, you will find that people generally will like you. When mutual liking exists, people get along with one another.

2. Interest. Always be interested in the other person’s activities and ideas. Direct conversation to the other’s interests rather than talking about yourself. If you are absorbed in another’s interests, he will become attentive yours and you will have a pleasant time together.

As a gardener I am learning the importance of fertile soil.

Last year we added three garden boxes.  This year we added three more.  Each time we mixed 1/3 compost with 1/3 peat moss with 1/3 course vermiculite.  Tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, several species of peppers, beans, and watermelon all love it.  They thrived in this soil mix.  After all thriving plants produce great results.

Thriving people produce great relationships.

Bold love — love that can provide room for hard conversations — needs a good mix to grow healthy realationships.

People thrive when they have a good mix of soil.

This week I’m writing about “bold love”, caring enough to confront.  As I begin, I wonder about your life, and your history.  I’m curious what your experiences, thoughts and feelings are when tensions rise in your relationships.

I’m wondering, when people have confronted you how did you respond?

Is timing the key?  “Choose the right time and I’ll listen to anyone.”  Or, “Tell me what’s on your mind at anytime.”  Like most people you’re probably somewhere in between.

What if the person is right, are you still defensive? 

What if the person is wrong, do you automatically feel angry and offended?

Mortal Kombat, the classic video game introduced ‘Fatalities’.1  A fatality is usually a lethal final move that defeats a foe. Fatalities were often cruel and unusual means of exterminating an opponent.

Sound familiar?

Ever felt like a former best friend finished you off with a fatality? Ever sat in a lunchroom watching with morbid curiosity as people who used to be lovers are now involved in a death match? Ever squared off with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse wondering if this was the end?

My hope is that after reading this you will no longer choose to use your fatality moves.

Yesterday I asked you to think back to your childhood views of marriage.

Do you have the same view of marriage when you were a kid, or has it changed?
Happily ever after is what I hoped for.  Maybe you did too.
Has your view changed?  Mine has.

I watched and learned from my parents. They shared hopes, dreams, hobbies and dramas. When my best friends’ parents divorced, I was so confused.  They seemed to love one another. It’s easy to feel disillusioned when all around you is heartache and heart-break.

Brandon and Susie Kline got married last week. They brought together family, friends, faith, fun and laughs. 

You and I react emotionally to a photo like this even if you don’t know the couple.

Our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and musings about marriage come from somewhere.  We are all affected by nature and nurture — by genetics and environment — and by culture, both corrupt and commendable.

Marriage.  It’s just a word, but we react to it. 

For many of us, the feelings about the word run deep.  They echo into the past and resound with feelings buried deeper than we realize.

People find many reasons to justify passing on “news”, gossiping and creating drama.  Few practices wound, terrorize and corrupt churches more than gossips.

Gossip-Filled Living Is An Old Problem

The Apostle Paul a couple thousand years ago battled gossips in church.  “For I am afraid that when I come I won’t like what I find, and you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior.” 1

Church attendance alone has never solved corrupt living.

Last week I was on a TreeHouse staff retreat.  While we were there we were each invited to take a full uninterrupted hour to “tell our story.” Our autobiographic tale had no apparent form or content requirements.  Each person told it her or his way.

I loved listening to others talk about their childhood.  I admired their successes.  I commend their humility in sharing some of their lowest lows.  We laughed.  We cried.  We prayed.

Unfortunately, I had to leave the retreat early.  I didn’t get to hear two of colleagues stories [yet!].  And, I didn’t get to tell “my story.”  Our small group leader mentioned that I “have other means to tell my story.”

My parents have always been wise about money.

My parents tried to pass their wisdom and insights onto me.

Unfortunately, I didn’t listen.

I’ve learned my lesson.  Amy and I cut up our credit cards.  We’ve been following Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps and budget tips.

Even though not using credit meant we had less credit available, we only buy what we can afford.

You can read more about our debt-free journey here entitled, Got Money Stress?

I met Dr. Bob Rakestraw when I was a graduate school student.

While reading through my class notes I found a note that I had written to myself.  I wrote, “Scott, remember this and tell it to the TH kids.”  [I'm not sure why I wrote notes to myself in the third person, but I did.]

What was so important?  What did I wish that Bob Rakestraw had taught at TreeHouse?  Bob said, “We are not fully experiencing life unless we have meaningful relationships.”

That stuck with me.

Years Later