Yesterday I asked you to think back to your childhood views of marriage.

Do you have the same view of marriage when you were a kid, or has it changed?
Happily ever after is what I hoped for.  Maybe you did too.
Has your view changed?  Mine has.

I watched and learned from my parents. They shared hopes, dreams, hobbies and dramas. When my best friends’ parents divorced, I was so confused.  They seemed to love one another. It’s easy to feel disillusioned when all around you is heartache and heart-break.

In this series on shame we had some fun with it, defined it, and practically explained how culturally bound and complicated shame-filled groups can become.

Q – Why Do We Still Choose Shame?

A – Shame “Solves Problems.”

If you are:
1. Are you angry? Smile.
2. Feeling afraid? Act tough.
3. Feeling hurt? Hide it.
4. Feeling like a mess? Cover it up.
5. Feeling weak? Tough it out.
6. Feeling worried? Don’t worry. Be happy.
7. Just got “caught’? Deny it.

It might seem like problem solving, but sublimating can easily become shaming.

I love listening to my old music.  I love breaking out a Bruce Springsteen concert or playing Rush’s La Villa Strangiato.

I also love learning about newer artists. 

Recently my son Josh’s girlfriend Taylor introduced me to metalcore bands I hadn’t heard.  Now I listen to Acacia Strain, Asking Alexandria, Dead By April, and Motionless in White.  I admit, they won’t make the daily list, but they will spin in my media player.

By the way, what music are you listening to that I should consider listening to too?

Deep Music

Watch Yourself

Watch yourself like you’re watching the clock when you’re really hungry for your lunch.
Watch yourself attentively like you’re waiting for an important appointment.
Watch yourself like you’re noticing a new pimple the day before an important first date.

Watch yourself because it matters what you do.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.  1

Recently I’ve written about the value of self-esteem insurance. I think it’s important to access our strengths first.

And, admit your weaknesses second.

Some people admit their weaknesses easily.  Sometimes it’s one of their strengths; for others it’s a weakness.

People who are or are becoming emotionally and spiritually healthy see weaknesses for what they are, challenges. 

People who are not becoming emotionally and spiritually healthy see weaknesses as problems that cause pain they want to avoid, deficits to deny, and shameful secrets to conceal.

You, on the other hand, are still reading.  Congratulations!  You want more for your life than denial and lies.

Fighting the Giant of Worry

If we’re gonna defeat the giant of worry we’ll need to focus our attention on the giant. You and I will need a system of priorities.

My first priority — well, at least I want to keep it in focus as my first priority — is my faith in God and my relationship with God.

Fight the giant of worry, hold onto God and God “will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.” 1

Worry seems almost human.  Ever notice how often Worry wants to have a conversation with you?

Jesus Christ challenged his listeners not to give into the lies that Worry screams.

Jesus said, Don’t “worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear… Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?“

When life is beating you senseless and you wanna sigh, cry or die you might say “No! I’m not feeling valuable at all!”

mysilentscream is a place to learn how to make living life easier.  I focus on practical suggestions that help relationships thrive.  I provide real life examples that help you feel less alone while struggling through life.

Am I doing my job?

Comment back please!

Sara Groves is one of my favorite song writers, her song Eyes Wide Open is a good way to describe how I’m still trying to learn from my successes and my mistakes; my foibles, failures, fame and f… well, you get my point.

I’ve been thinking about peace and war for days now. On Sunday Steve Wiens talked about peace entitled “What Christ Left Us”. You can watch it here [after a Father's Day address].

My thoughts and Steve’s thoughts about peace continue to melt in my mind.

Feeling like I wanted to give you a chance to learn with me I present to you this week’s Message Tool provided as a follow up to the week’s message.

I hope that you find this exercise as meaningful as I am.

Practice:

Write out the following passage, Philippians 4:6-7, on a piece of paper.

This picture creates many mixed feelings for me; the most evident feeling is loneliness.

The picture reminds me of who I might have become if I never learned to be a friend.

My best friends growing up were our dogs.  My dog was a friendly, patient, German Shepherd named Shawn.

Shawn was the best friend I had, but I needed people-friends too.

Alone

Sitting in my basement bedroom was my high school haven.  Posters on the wall, a dog on my bed, clothes on the floor and music in my head.  It was my room.  All mine.