This weekend at Anika’s baby dedication we shared parenting advice with the new parents Angi & Aaron.

My wife Amy said, “If you screw up, fess up.” 

She elaborated, “when you make mistakes admit them.”

Unfortunately, Amy learned that lesson from my…umm…from me.

You see, I’ve had to fess up a lot.

When I Mismanage My Life I Neglect My Highest Priorities

When I have mismanaged my life it’s my wife and God who get cheated. Sadly, I take for granted those who love me the most. I haven’t rejected my faith in God, I’ve just gotten so busy that I have not included God in my thoughts, feelings and plans as often as I would prefer.

If you’re like me, this has been a thought-provoking week.

The reader-response to this week’s mysilentscream.com had me thinking long and hard about the depth of our drama, the taste of our of trauma, and the deep pit in which some of our hidden pain resides.

Next week we’ll take a look at how to deal with our anger.

As this week concludes this ancient song — known as Psalm 51 — continues to echo through my mind as a prayer to God for help. 1

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.

Monday I began this dialogue with Olympics: Judge & Jury, and continued it yesterday with “Caution – We don’t know the whole story.”

One gracious reader read and replied, “I was raped by a guy when I was 22 I would judge him and say he needs help…because he did. (He victimized) 5 other women…but he is and was aware of what he was doing so I wouldn’t feel sympathy.”

As someone who has never experienced a rape I cannot begin to grasp the depth of how that would affect a victim, all I can say is “Wow, thank you you for your humble willingness to add your perspective to our dialogue.”

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Monday I began this dialogue with Olympics: Judge & Jury, continuing Tuesday with “Caution – We don’t know the whole story.”

We have one perspective.

There may be another.

The Stories

The “dropout” whose pot-smoking parents never challenge him.
The “skeeze” whose dad did more hopping than Frogger.
The “gamer” whose parents never expected anything from him.
The “slut” whose dad, step-dad, 2nd step-dad, and mom’s before all left.

Another Side Of The Stories

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Yesterday in Olympics: Judge & Jury I introduced some of the challenges we face when we assess — when we judge — the lives of other people.

I met the girl everyone thought was a “b****.” She hasn’t been spoiled all her life, just since her dad abandoned her and her mom died.  

I met the “lazy guy” who never did any housework because he wasn’t taught to do so.  His hard-working mom was too tired to clean house and too tired to parent.

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Millions, perhaps a billion people, spent time in the last two weeks watching the Olympics.

While the athletes are judged in their individual events, real life is not like the Olympics. We do not have a right to judge and award people based on competitions of our choosing.

While we do not have the right to arbitrarily create events in which we serve as judge, many people do.

Have you seen, or judged these events?
– Who’s the biggest “b****”?
– What’s up with their yard/house/car?
– Who’s gonna do something about him?
– Who’s kid is that?

We Don’t Know All We’d Like To Know

Sometimes we don’t know everything we think we know. My son Josh saves money better than I do, but when he was young he didn’t know all that he knows now.

One day, when Josh was about six years old he and I drove to the gas station. Before we paid for our gas we surveyed the candy aisle. We each picked out some candy. I grabbed an Almond Joy and Josh grabbed a special candy sucker that spun.

Satisfied with our choices we walked into the line at the register.

One of my all-time favorite television shoes is Columbo.  I love how the seemingly dimwitted detective relentlessly unravels the mystery.

Consistently Columbo faces intelligent murderers who dismiss Columbo as a nitwit who they can easily outwit.

In one of my favorite Columbo episodes is Bye Bye Sky High IQ Murder Case.

Wikipedia explains that, after Bertie Hastings discovers that his friend, Oliver Brandt, a senior partner in an accounting firm, has been embezzling money to support the lifestyle of his wife, Brandt kills Hastings at the Sigma Society, a club for geniuses. 1

Kobe Bryant is one of the best basketball players to ever play the game.  On the other hand, according to a recent ESPN article by Henry Abbott, Bryant’s fear of failure blinds him from experiencing even greater success.

After missing 22 shots in a New Year’s Day loss to Denver, Bryant scoffed at reporters who hinted that he should have passed the ball to teammates: “If you’re asking me if I’m going to shoot less,” he said, “the answer is no. It starts with me. I do what I do. We play off of that, and that’s not going to change.”

Pro Bowl, all-star quality, friendships are hard work.  This week I’m sharing five strategies that will improve your relationships and deepen their commitment.

Yesterday we addressed how important it is to:

Locate The Trouble Spot

Look back. Try to assess what has gone wrong.
Where did the misunderstanding or conflict begin?

Then, as often as needed, apologize.

Apologize When You’re Wrong

All of us mess up. It is foolish to let pride and insecurity keep us from admitting it and trying to patch up the relationship. You might have One Republic’s song “Apologize” running through your head: