When we feel alone we look for relationships.
When we build relationships we look for connection.
When we recognize connection we hope for intimacy.
When we embrace intimacy…

… sometimes our hopes are dashed.

Our girlfriend is too manic.
Our boyfriend is too needy.
Our wife is too wounded.
Our husband is too self-centered.

And, it all comes crumbling down.

You can’t make her happy!
You can’t make him happy!
You feel so alone.

Left unchecked angry and loneliness are the ingredients for rage.

I hate this! Nothing makes sense.
I know I’m not good enough! And…
I know I will never be!

You tried, and tried, and tried, and failed.
You tried to make him happy and didn’t.
You tried to make her happy and didn’t.

You tried, and tried, and tried, and failed.

And Now…

You feel frustrated because life sucks, and your daydream begins to feel like a nightmare.  “My days are over. My hopes have disappeared. My heart’s desires are broken.” 1 

And people find out what happened.  They start talking about what they think happened.  They start guessing what you did, or what you could have or should have done.  Then they start gossiping, “Their insults have broken my heart…If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.” 2

This week I started working with a team of directors that I was new to. Years ago after my first year at TreeHouse I met with my boss to discuss my year in review. That year the first thing we addressed was my lack of social skills.

Growing up my best friends were our family’s German Shepherd dogs. I hadn’t developed the people skills necessary to be manage the many dynamic social relationships I needed available to me at TreeHouse.

In my first review we discussed my lack of social skills.
And my second.
And my third.
And my fourth.
And my fifth.

Do you know that there are unwritten public bathroom rules?  Of course you do.  I live in the Midwest United States and I’m guessing that the unwritten public bathroom rules vary from place to place, but some things are common in most public bathrooms.

I was in Budapest Hungary alone suffering through an unplanned layover awaiting my next flight.  I was tired, lonely and uncomfortable.  I hadn’t slept in more than twenty four hours and all the strange people speaking strange languages had gotten to me.

I had already walked everywhere I could through the airport.  I had already “shopped” the one small Duty-Free shop that was open.

Today is the National Day of Prayer, so, I’m thinking about praying.

Prayer Is A Mystery

God tells us to do it though…
God knows what we’ll say.
God isn’t visible.
God doesn’t guarantee we’ll get what we want.
God says it will benefit us, but the benefits aren’t always evident.

Prayer is a mystery.

Life Is A Mystery

I wondered yesterday:

Why are some of the strongest men I know also the laziest?
Why are some of the most caring women I know also the most emotionally unstable?
Why are some of the smartest guys I know also the most foolishly impulsive?
Why are some of the most street-smart girls I know still duped by smooth talkers?

Did you read about my dream?

If not, please do. Here’s a link.

I dreamt about praying because I believe God is near.

In my dream I did what has become normal, natural and routine for me: I continued the conversation.

Presence

My wife Amy is right there —->

If I don’t think I have her attention I might say, “Aim!”, “Hey!”, “Cutie!” or “Amy!” to get her attention, but typically she is aware of me and her love for me when she is around me will tune her to me when I want her attention.

I had a dream Sunday night.  I couldn’t wait to tell you about it, but I did.

I was riding on a flat bottom rail car through an unnamed city.  

Our flatbed train was kind of like a ten-foot wide airport moving walkway. We were traveling in an open flatbed rail car with no safety features at all. It seemed normal. 1

I traveled with my son Josh, and a third person who was a combination of my wife Amy and daughter Shannon.  Since they are so close, it didn’t seem weird at all.  

I’m forty-nine years old. I don’t feel old, but I don’t feel young either.

I spend my life encouraging others to live their life well.  Mysilentscream.com exists — through stories, some tips, and some Scriptures — to inspire you to live well. 

As I’m nearing fifty I’m looking for “older” people to inspire me to live the rest of my life well too.  Billy Graham’s book Nearing Home: Life, Faith, and Finishing Well seemed like a good fit.

Billy Graham’s book is honest, vulnerable, and inspiring.

In the quiet can learn that we are lovable and that we can be and need to be loved.  When we rest in God’s love — truly allow God into our being — we can acknowledge our imperfections, we can feel our wounds, we can see our scars and admit our sins. When we rest we can be quiet. In the quiet is God waiting for us.

“Be still, and know that I am God! Our God says, “Calm down, and learn that I am God!” 1

Today, this is my quiet whisper.

1 – Psalm 46:10, NLT, CEV

My friends Kevin and Cassie and I met this weekend at the 5-8 Grill. As good as the Juicy Lucy burgers were, the conversation was even better. 

As we ate and talked they smiled at one another, laughed together and completed one another’s stories.  While busy, they enjoy their lives together.

Four years ago we spent quite a lot of time together as we prepared for their wedding.  Now, four and a half years later it’s obvious that the love that was blossoming into marriage was in full bloom.

They love one another.