This is a 1996 picture of our son Josh, our daughter Shannon and our dog Taz. 

Taz was a miniature schnauzer; a little dog with a big-dog personality. Taz was fun and funny.

Taz loved people. Taz would find his ball and set it into your lap. He was inviting you to play with him.

Taz loved to play fetch.
Taz learned to flip his head and open his mouth at the same time.
In doing so, he could throw his ball back to you!

It’s freezing cold in Minnesota this week. Many cars lay dead needing a jump-start.

Many of us need a jump-start in our cold heart.  My suggestion: Let go of judgments.

“One of the best changes I’ve made to help me be happier,” wrote Leo Babauta, “is learning to see judging other people as a red flag.” Yesterday we highlighted Leo’s insightful post Letting Go of Judging People.

I know I’m imperfect, I’m flawed. I’m a sinner. I have no right to judge anyone, but I still judge others far too often.

This Christmas my wife bought me (by my request) season 6 of CBS’s The Big Bang Theory television show.

1. Be patient. 1

Bernadette: So, you actually see you and Sheldon getting married someday?
Amy: Not just someday. In exactly four years. But don’t tell Sheldon. He’s still a flight risk.

Patient fishing catches fish. Impatient pursuit scares away many potential catches.

2. Don’t be pushy. 2

This week I’m focusing on five listening moments.

Monday was Listening to Understand
Tuesday was Listen Deeply
Wednesday was Listen Beneath The Surface

Listen In

Too often I thought I knew what someone was going to say. Too often I’ve made wrong assumptions, flawed judgments and drawn the wrong conclusions. I’m well intentioned, but I unfortunately T.R.I.P. and stumble and hurt others.

The acronym T.R.I.P. is a warning to me to be a better listener; maybe it will help you too.

Live It

T – Listen Tenderly
R – Listen Respectfully
I – Listen to avoid Ignorance
P – Listen, be Patient

We’re gonna finish this week on mysilentscream with an insightful poem by Chris Whitford.

Hope licked its salty lips
And hung close as we both kissed

The lovely hearts of the amazing people

The hearts I keep close to me
In case the hope goes right through me

The hope of TreeHouse is an amazing thing
So don’t give up hope, no, don’t give up heart
Don’t leave this love in shards
Because the hate will eat you alive

But together we can strive
And be the best we can be
They even see the best in me

As you begin reading today, give Evanescence’s song “What You Want” a listen.

I asked some friends at TreeHouse, “What line stands out? Why that one?”

My friends Erin, Gabe, and Kelly liked:

Do what you, what you want
If you have a dream for better

Erin and Gabe agreed, “I like doing what I want.” Kelly added, “If you want to do something, don’t let people hold you back from doing something good.”

Chris liked:

Stand and face the unknown (got to remember who you really are)

Every time we choose to show empathy we bless the other person with respect and we bless ourselves with self-respect.

Show empathy to those who mess up.

6 Ways To Help People Who Messed Up

1. Help her or him to realize what they have done.

2. Don’t make things worse by supporting their error or giving them excuses.

3. Listen for what is behind what they have done.

4. Tell them the truth.
– Locate The Trouble Spots.
– Try to assess what has gone wrong.
– Ask yourself, “How did we get into this mess?”
– Apologize When You’re Wrong.
– It is foolish to let pride and insecurity keep us from repairing and restoring.

I spend a lot of time with loud, laughing teenagers. I love their energy. I love their whimsy. I love their willingness to have fun.

Have you ever been in a store, library or restaurant and noticed a group of teens gathered near you who were louder than anyone else?

Maybe they were aware of how loud they were.
Maybe they were not.

I also spend a fair amount of time with “socially awkward” teens. Some are more awkward than others:
– They ask questions at inopportune times:
“Can we go to McDonalds now?”
– They uninhibitedly comment, assess and judge:
“Scott, you’re an xxxhole.”
– They uninhibitedly say what most people would not:
“I like (masturbating).”

Is grace happening to you?
Is grace happening in you?
Is grace happening through you?

I’ve been stuck emotionally and spiritually more than I’d like to admit. Raise your hand if you can relate? Okay, we’re all “not alone.” But, let’s not stay stuck!

Looking to take a step forward in your life?

Want your actions to more closely match your intentions?

Me too!

Each of the themes below links to a previous mysilentscream post that has been helpful to readers looking to make a change. 1

Love – Tired of empty expressions of “love”?

I love my family.
I love my friends.

I love spending time with them, most of the time.

Being an introvert with “a big heart” fills me with tension. 1

I Love People BUT…

I like working on projects alone.
I feel guilty when I would prefer not going to brainstorming meetings.

I like working “alone” in coffee shops…
… surrounded by people I don’t talk to.

I would rather tweet than chat.
I would rather text than talk on the phone.