Sometimes people — myself included — complicate life needlessly.

Yesterday my friend Steve Wiens reminded me of an Anne Lamott’s acronym W.A.I.T.  I’ll explain what it means in a moment, but you’ll — pardon the pun — have to wait.

Wait

Lamott’s most recent book “Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son’s First Son” describes the challenge she faced, especially in the beginning, as she tried to find a balance between helping and hampering her teenage son who was suddenly faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

We face attacks every day.
Our sense of self is battered and bludgeoned by life’s challenges.

What helps us feel worthwhile? 
What drags us down?
Sometimes it’s so subtle.

Steven Covey tells the following story to explain the importance of thoughtfulness. Small acts of kindness and courtesy are important; and, rudeness, unkindnesses, and little forms of disrespect can tear us down.

“I remember an evening I spent with two of my sons some years ago. It was an organized father-and-son outing, complete with gymnastics, wrestling matches, hot dogs, orangeade, and a movie — the works.

If you’re like me, this has been a thought-provoking week.

The reader-response to this week’s mysilentscream.com had me thinking long and hard about the depth of our drama, the taste of our of trauma, and the deep pit in which some of our hidden pain resides.

Next week we’ll take a look at how to deal with our anger.

As this week concludes this ancient song — known as Psalm 51 — continues to echo through my mind as a prayer to God for help. 1

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.

Monday I began this dialogue with Olympics: Judge & Jury, and continued it yesterday with “Caution – We don’t know the whole story.”

One gracious reader read and replied, “I was raped by a guy when I was 22 I would judge him and say he needs help…because he did. (He victimized) 5 other women…but he is and was aware of what he was doing so I wouldn’t feel sympathy.”

As someone who has never experienced a rape I cannot begin to grasp the depth of how that would affect a victim, all I can say is “Wow, thank you you for your humble willingness to add your perspective to our dialogue.”

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Monday I began this dialogue with Olympics: Judge & Jury, continuing Tuesday with “Caution – We don’t know the whole story.”

We have one perspective.

There may be another.

The Stories

The “dropout” whose pot-smoking parents never challenge him.
The “skeeze” whose dad did more hopping than Frogger.
The “gamer” whose parents never expected anything from him.
The “slut” whose dad, step-dad, 2nd step-dad, and mom’s before all left.

Another Side Of The Stories

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Yesterday in Olympics: Judge & Jury I introduced some of the challenges we face when we assess — when we judge — the lives of other people.

I met the girl everyone thought was a “b****.” She hasn’t been spoiled all her life, just since her dad abandoned her and her mom died.  

I met the “lazy guy” who never did any housework because he wasn’t taught to do so.  His hard-working mom was too tired to clean house and too tired to parent.

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Millions, perhaps a billion people, spent time in the last two weeks watching the Olympics.

While the athletes are judged in their individual events, real life is not like the Olympics. We do not have a right to judge and award people based on competitions of our choosing.

While we do not have the right to arbitrarily create events in which we serve as judge, many people do.

Have you seen, or judged these events?
– Who’s the biggest “b****”?
– What’s up with their yard/house/car?
– Who’s gonna do something about him?
– Who’s kid is that?

Mark Gregston’s Tough Guys and Drama Queens is written to help parents help their teens by providing a harbor through the storms of life.

Gregston states that, “When it comes to parenting, it’s not about us. It’s about our kids. Our parenting should not be a display of effort to try to be recognized as parent of the year, but ours should be lives filled with actions that teach our kids how to develop discernment, moral values, and compassion for the world around them. Mom and dads, your teens don’t need more friends; they need a parent. They need a close relationship with someone who is determined to teach them how to survive in a world where responsibility is an essential character trait.”

In my fourth in a series on helping our child, lover or friend open up today we’re examining our tendency to give advice.

Maybe it’s just my problem,

Maybe I’m the only one reading these words who thinks “I know” better, who knows “what’s going on”, who can “see more clearly” than anyone else can, and who realized “what this is going to lead to”, but, probably not.

Monday I warned you about 9 Consequences Of Not Listening.

Yesterday I introduced you to 8 Benefits Of Asking Questions Instead Of Demanding To Be Heard.

Today let me expand on those 8 benefits for parents, lovers and friends.

Note – While I color-coded for parents, lovers and friends, the suggestions are not exclusively for those groups.

Questions help us understand the problem from another perspective.
Parents – You’ll take a step back from your worry-place.
Lovers – You’ll maintain your commitment to togetherness.
Friends – You’ll contribute to the brainstorming.