Prompted by my reading of Quiet by Susan Cain, this week we’ve explored introverts and extroverts their distinctive and their qualities. Including:

I Buy Coffee

An Introvert?!?

Introvert’s Confusion

And, Are YOU An Introvert or Extrovert?

Whether you’re a parent, a brother or sister, an aunt, uncle or neighbor, you know children. And, if you’re like me, quiet children can be a mystery.

Today, I’d like to let Susan Cain’s insights on introvert children speak for themselves. Oh, wait – let me say this first – my favorite quote from her about children is: “Don’t just accept your child for who she is; treasure her.”

Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.

I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.

It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.

We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.

Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

Yesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.

Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.

You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.

As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Assess
– Fix
– Mind-map
– Problem-solve
– Trace things back to their origin

I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.

People pass away every day.

Parents are in pain every day.

Teens deal with backstabbing and drama every day.

What can you do to help?
What’s been most effective?

Listen.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Listen patiently without an agenda.
Listen compassionately without judgment.

My Two Requests

My good friend Nick is flying tomorrow to support a loved one whose son was killed by a drunk driver.

If you’re a praying person – especially if you’re a parent – please pray for the young man’s grieving family and friends.

This past weekend I was in a conversation with a group of people about when they received their first pair of glasses. I received my first pair of glasses in second grade. I couldn’t read the blackboard in school very well.

One person said third grade.
Another said fifth grade.
A fourth person said, “in junior high.”

“Really?”, I asked.
He added, “Well, I needed them years before, but I was just faking it.”

Just Faking It

Ah, just faking it.

Too often we fake reality wishing it was different, when it’s not.

You freely admit it. You’re a social guy. It doesn’t matter where the action is—you want to be in on it. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with his best buddies on a Saturday night?

On this particular Saturday night, however, there’s a problem. Your parents are out of town for the night, and you promised you’d stay home. Alone. As in you, yourself, and the family goldfish.

But then Drew calls. The movie’s over, and the guys are looking for a place to chill. Nothing wild, just to hang out, play some Xbox, unwind. You know you should say no. You gave your word. But Drew can be persuasive, and he knows your parents are gone. Before you know it, you’ve invited five guys over.

What do you do when you have one agenda, and someone else has another, but you’re supposed to be “on the same page”?

Your parent may be right.
Your parent may be wrong.
Your teen may be realistic.
Your teen may be deluded.

One principle helps me make sense of other people — even very smart people — who make stupid choices.

The principle: Most people do what they believe makes sense.

This weekend teens  will:
– Lie to their parents about where they are going
– Lie to their parents about what they will be doing
– Lie to their parents about where they will spend the night
– Lie to their parents about who they will be with

Believe in people.

Yes, believe in people, but not too much.

Beware “relying on human beings”, wrote C.S. Lewis.

(They’re) going to let us down.
The best of them will make mistakes;
all of them will die.

We must be thankful to all the people who have helped us, we must honour them and love them. But never, never pin your whole faith on any human being: not if he is the best and wisest in the whole world.

There are lots of nice things you can do with sand; but do not try building a house on it.”

This week I was asked several times about turning fifty.

I was asked by twenty-somethings who now realized that I was twice as old as them. The gap that seemed more about experience than age now felt a little different.

I was asked by thirty-somethings who wondered aloud how old fifty seemed, but asked silently, “What will I be like when I’m fifty?” 

Turning 20

Twenty was the year I was going to school full-time, and working full-time, but I was spinning my wheels. When I turned twenty I had yet to make some healthy changes in my life, and the future didn’t look bright.

Wait, Why Am I Talking?

As I wrote yesterday the acronym W.A.I.T. is a great reminder — as they say — it’s right on the button.

It’s a big red pause button to stop my panic and prevent me from causing additional pain to myself or others.

I’m talking. Am I trying to coach and counsel? Or, am I trying to control?

Wait, Why Am I Talking?

I think Wait, Why Am I Talking? is a wonderful self-check as I pray as well.