Welcome today to our friends from Chris Spradlin’s insightful and practical EpicParent.

Chris was gracious enough to allow me to guest post on EpicParent today.  You can read “You’re Not Alone!!” here.

Let me catch you all up.

This week we took a look at fifteen year old Desean’s choice to come home drunk.

We took a look at his scenario from three perspectives:

What’s A Mom To Do?

What’s A Dad To Do?

What’s a Best Friend to Do?

Today we’ll consider what a neighbor should and should not do.

Taxes are due this week. Tax preparers prepare tax returns, but what’s a dad to do with his drunk son who lives with his ex-wife? 1

Let me explain.

Desean loved his friends. It’s not that he disliked his family, he just loved to get out of his noisy, cramped apartment to have fun.

One night, a Wednesday night, at 11:30 P.M. you got a call from your ex. She snarled, “Is D there? He hasn’t come home.”

He hadn’t. You hadn’t any idea why she was asking, but based on her tone of voice she was angry, frustrated and scared.

Taxes are due this week.  Tax preparers prepare tax returns, but what’s a mom to do with her drunk son?

Let me explain.

Desean loved his friends.  It’s not that he disliked his family, he just loved to get out of his noisy, cramped apartment to have fun. 1

One night, a Wednesday night, Desean stayed out late. 

His mom and sister trusted him, but this was a school night, and he was late.  Not only was he late, but he wasn’t answering his cell phone.  His sister started to worry, but it wasn’t until Desean’s younger sister called their mom did she even know that he was late.

I was invited to speak to a group of parents about parenting skills. I have learned a great deal about the joys and sorrows of helpful and unhelpful parenting as I have listened to thousands of people. Josh and Shannon are great kids to parent, but we too have had our good days and our bad days.

Armed with the wisdom and examples of many people and the stories of our family I feel confident teaching others what I am learning about parenting.

Not this time.

I’ve edited and re-edited four times. I’ve felt unusually nervous. I strive for excellence, but was getting a little silly.

In the midst of a loving relationship we can experience God’s wrath.

God disciplines us.

God does so to redirect us from our sinful self-destructive path back onto a journey of joy and peace. The Bible explains that God wouldn’t be a loving God if there was no discipline: “My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either.

It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children.

“For your own good.”  That’s the kinda phrase that adults used to get me to do something I didn’t want to do without explaining all the details for me.  Why they undoubtedly had wonderful reasons that “for your own good” was sufficient, inquisitive minds like mine were never satisfied.

While some people might have chosen to use their good judgement or “common sense” to avoid such mishaps, I did not.

Ignoring “for your own good” warnings was a choice, but ignoring “for your own good” has left me with many scars to prove my unwillingness to heed the “for your own good” warnings. 

In this series on shame we had some fun with it, defined it, and practically explained how culturally bound and complicated shame-filled groups can become.

Q – Why Do We Still Choose Shame?

A – Shame “Solves Problems.”

If you are:
1. Are you angry? Smile.
2. Feeling afraid? Act tough.
3. Feeling hurt? Hide it.
4. Feeling like a mess? Cover it up.
5. Feeling weak? Tough it out.
6. Feeling worried? Don’t worry. Be happy.
7. Just got “caught’? Deny it.

It might seem like problem solving, but sublimating can easily become shaming.

You’ve heard it said, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Shame on you.”

Sadly, more than one parent has used shame and humiliation to try to change the behavior of their children.

We have a lot of them, cultural blunders.

Here are a few blunders, but there are thousands more.
– Walking around with your “fly” undone.
– Farting in an elevator.
– Talking loudly during a movie.
– Singing, loud, off key.
– Throwing a tantrum in public.
– Breaking something in a store.
– Dirtying, or staining, your good clothes.

Rules Change

I love listening to my old music.  I love breaking out a Bruce Springsteen concert or playing Rush’s La Villa Strangiato.

I also love learning about newer artists. 

Recently my son Josh’s girlfriend Taylor introduced me to metalcore bands I hadn’t heard.  Now I listen to Acacia Strain, Asking Alexandria, Dead By April, and Motionless in White.  I admit, they won’t make the daily list, but they will spin in my media player.

By the way, what music are you listening to that I should consider listening to too?

Deep Music

Yesterday “My Story” captured parents, presents and my pigeon-toed childhood.  You’ll find it here.

Today you’ll meet my sister Kristie.

My Sister

I grew up in suburban Chicago with my mom, dad, and sister, Kristie. 

This is my sister Kristie and me.  It’s one of my favorite pictures of us together.  I would like to say we were always this sweet, cute and happy.

We often were, unless I was being selfish, impatient or a brat.  You know, I really love my sister and I always have, but somehow in the midst of wanting to control the TV — or something else equally trivial — stupid attitudes intervened far too often.