I love listening to my old music.  I love breaking out a Bruce Springsteen concert or playing Rush’s La Villa Strangiato.

I also love learning about newer artists. 

Recently my son Josh’s girlfriend Taylor introduced me to metalcore bands I hadn’t heard.  Now I listen to Acacia Strain, Asking Alexandria, Dead By April, and Motionless in White.  I admit, they won’t make the daily list, but they will spin in my media player.

By the way, what music are you listening to that I should consider listening to too?

Deep Music

Pain Despite Faith

My friend Brandon, like many people, lives with the pain of migraines.  Brandon has explained, “migraines make me very ill.   They can put me out of action for an entire day or more.  I can feel one coming on and then when full blown I feel horrible, nauseous and need to go to bed. While some people can have a migraine every couple of months or a couple of migraines a week, sometimes my migraines can repeat day after day for a week or more.”

In the past I mentioned my appreciation for singer-songwriter Sara Groves.  This week Amy and I are going to her CD release concert so I’m highlighting some of her great songs.  They inspire and encourage me.  I think that they will do the same for you.

A couple of months ago I mentioned how moved I was by Sara’s compassion churned by the pain and hurt she saw in Rwanda.   I Saw What I Saw expresses that she could never be the same after her trip.

Most people want to relieve or avoid pain, and understandably so. 

I can be focused, self-centered, myopic and ignorant.

I can live contentedly for short periods of time “in my own little world.”

I’m learning that it’s important to look beyond myself and embrace reality.

Embrace My Own Reality

I’m learning not to do stupid things.

I knew I was supposed to do good things, but I didn’t really think about why I should.

Years ago in my Bible I read “Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” 1

I began at TreeHouse in 1989. More than twenty years later and I’m still amazed each week in our support groups.  Teens and parents bare their souls, reveal their flaws, expose their wounds and share words of wisdom.  I’m so proud of the thousands who have chosen to embrace their pain that they might find healing and wholeness.  It’s their courage that inspires me to challenge my other readers to embrace their pain too.

Embracing your pain is hard.

CUTTING – AFTER A BREAKUP

THE QUESTION: Our son’s girlfriend broke up with him about a year ago. He doesn’t show any signs moving on with his life. He cuts on his arm. It looks so awful. He doesn’t date. What can I do with him?

OUR REPLY: “The breakup of a relationship is almost always very painful to at least one partner, and you did the right thing by looking for help. God does care very deeply about your son, and God doesn’t want him to spend the rest of his life believing something about himself that isn’t true. He has a right to grieve. He will get through this painful time. Remind him that you care and that he does not have to go through his grief alone.”

“My friend cuts.” “Our daughter cuts.” “My son cuts.” “I cannot understand why. It’s so disgusting!”

There are many methods to self-injure.  I’ll not list them all.  I’ll use “cutting” as a synonym for all forms of self-injury.

There are reasons people self-injure, I’ll mention one.  Most people that I know would say that they began cutting as way to “relieve the pain”.

While I remember glorying in my wounds and trying to get attention for damage that I caused myself, most “cutters” do not cut to get attention.  Contrary to any preconceived notions you may have cutting is seldom a reflecting of suicidal thoughts.  Instead, the cuts reflect intense emotional pain. Pain that seems uncontrollable.

She sat with her back to the wall.  Slumped over with what looked like the weight of her world on her shoulders.  Tenderhearted and caring she was weighed down with pain.

She acted tough because she was strong, but even tough people can be tender and she was both.

Dressed in a black hooded sweatshirt.  She had painted her nails with black nail polish.  She looked “goth” long before “goth” became a fashion statement, trendy and a feature on SNL.

While it’s not a requirement to talk in our TreeHouse support groups most teens take advantage of the opportunity to talk and to listen, to hear and be heard, to understand and be understood.

“Jesus wept” are my favorite two words in the Bible.  That may sound strange to you, but I love knowing that Jesus wept.  Knowing that Jesus wept comforts me.  I think to myself, “My God, my God you know how I feel.”

So many people, myself included, have felt that we need to “be strong” for others. I know that people have and will say to “be strong”.

DON’T, it’s a lie.

It’s okay, healthy, good, and Jesus-like to grieve the loss of loved ones.

“Strong” comes from God and leaning on others. When you’re grieving you’re weak.

I raced home from TreeHouse last night excited to see my wife. Amy had been gone to see family for more than I week. I couldn’t get home fast enough.

I was, and am, thrilled to see her, but other news tempered my mood.

When I arrived I was shocked by the sudden and tragic death of Brianna Van Asch and then two hours later my friend Kari Mathisen asked if I would support her family as her great aunt passed. That news followed a week in which so many people around me grieved the loss of Abby and Michael the victims of a murder-suicide known locally as the “Festival Foods Murders”.