Bad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

You know what I’m talking about here, but let’s go there.

He’s a friendly guy, but when he’s dating someone he seems extra friendly.

The truth is he’s feeling safe and self-confident because his current relationship is boosting his self-esteem, but he doesn’t know that, he just feels like “every girl likes him.”

And, you’re one of them.

It starts with a smile. Another.
A longer look.

He gets your number.
You had his # for a while, but never texted him: Off Limits

He texted: Hey! (Guys can be so bold, hah!)
You reply.
Back and forth, just the news, and then:

I’m reading Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities.  It’s been a hard book to read; lots of pain.

“If you hear in my voice — I don’t know that it is so, but I hope it is — if you hear in my voice any resemblance to a voice that once was sweet music in your ears, weep for it, weep for it!

If you touch, in touching my hair, anything that recalls a beloved head that lay on your breast when you were young and free, weep for it, weep for it!

Our recent trip to California was amazing. The weather was beautiful – not the ten inches of snow beautiful that fell here last night – but mountains of green, hearts of kindness and Max.

Max, you say?

We were visiting our friends Jill and Eric Lacher. They have a dog, a Rottweiler, named Max. Here’s pictured with Jill.

I had met Max one time briefly when he was young. Jill was at our house for a roofing project, and Eric and Max stopped over. Eric held Max on leash. It was a brief acknowledgement of one another, but I was busy.

This weekend I finished the fifth of five of wonderful marriage celebrations in the last couple of months.

Ashley and Jesse Stinson got married
Nate and Manna Towler got married
Jonnie and Courtney Towler got married
Luke and Jessica Skelly got married, and,
Amy and I celebrated our 25th anniversary with a vow renewal ceremony.

Faithfulness

Yesterday, I reviewed Stu Weber’s book Tender Warrior in his book he challenges us as men to be finishers.  And to you my male readers — newly-married, or not — let’s honor the women in our lives by being “finishers.”

With my dad’s influence I grew up a baseball fan.  We played catch on the sidewalks.  We played wiffle ball in the front yard.  We listened to games in the car.  We watched games in the living room.  I still have some baseball cards from 1970 the first season I bought my own baseball cards.

The Chicago Cubs were then and still are my favorite team.  My dad had been a Cubs fan and Milwaukee Braves fan growing up.

Taxes are due this week.  Tax preparers prepare tax returns, but what’s a best friend to do with a drunk best friend?

Let me explain. 1

Desean loved his friends.  He’s got several friends.  Not all of his friends get along together.

One night, a Wednesday night, Desean and Chris stayed out late.  Chris had been with Desean and some of his other friends, but when they started talking about getting drunk Chris “remembered” homework he wanted to get done.  He left hoping Desean would join him.  He didn’t.

Desean’s mom and sister trusted Desean; and they trusted Chris.

When I thought about writing about me, and my life, for two weeks I couldn’t imagine what I would write.  As my last post has arrived I feel I’ve run out of time, not run out of things to say.

So I chose three pictures that tell a story about who I am and who I am becoming.

Bad-@ss

The first picture is my favorite picture of just me.  Really, I could not imagine a picture that better captures my love for fun and willingness to take on challenges.

I’m “butt-surfing” a waterfall, Big Smokey to be specific.

Do not try to change the other person the change starts with us.

When Amy and I were going through our pre-marital counseling our pastor, Ralph Gustafson, counseled us, had us take a couple of tests and had us read some insightful books.

Each of those pieces helped us prepare for marriage, but not one of them helped me to prepare for myself in marriage.

I was as in love with Amy as I knew how to be. I made vows and intended to keep them. I promised devotion, loyalty and faithfulness. All of that made so much sense. I just had no idea how hard it would be.