Today is the 26th anniversary of the day I asked Amy out.

Today Amy and I wrote a sweet piece about the gamble she took when she said “Yes.”

Unfortunately, the gamble that I wish that I didn’t take was to hit the “Save” button without copying and pasting into another document.  The server was down and we lost everything.

Amy: I’m sorry.
Scott: Wanna rewrite it.
Amy: No.

Well there you have it.

We laughed, and then we laughed again when I typed “We laughed”.

We will (re-)tell the rest of the story tomorrow.

This week my friend Adam took the time to sincerely, and publicly offer his thanks to people that have helped him through a rough stretch of life.  Almost fifty responses later I appreciate that Adam and those who responded to his gratitude have exposed something missing in society — a cultural shortcoming — sincerity.

Sincerity is missing in our society. 

Far too many people hide their motives in manipulation.

Adam is a caring, compassionate, courageous, but conflicted person whose worse battles in life have been with himself.

Yesterday I reminded all of us about 12 Times to Say “I’m Sorry.

I almost never remember my dreams. Yesterday I wrote to my friend Anastasiya, “I wish I had pleasant dreams”. This morning, just before I woke up, I was dreaming of hanging out with musician Dave Matthews after a show.

While there are several reasons not to like Dave Matthews’ music, but I still love most of his songs.  I and Paul Thyren, a friend and fantastic co-worker of mine, love the Dave Matthews Band.   One of our favorites is “Two Step.”  Listening to the extended jam that often accompanies Two Step played live brings me peace in a surreal, mellow, “I’m just glad to be here” kind of way.

Curiously I googled “I hate Halloween”.  About 255,000 results.

There is a Facebook page “I Hate Halloween” and “3,701 like this”.

I have met many people who love Halloween, and people who hate Halloween.

One blogger ranted, “It’s not even a holiday, it’s a faux holiday. A Fauxliday.  It’s nothing more than a chance for Wal-Mart and Target to sell more cheap Chinese-made crap that no one needs, and a chance for Big Sugar to rake in big profits on cheap sweets none of us need. As usual, some Christians have responded in a predictably hilarious fashion, while others see it as a chance to engage in a little advertising for Jesus.”

As a gardener I am learning the importance of fertile soil.

Last year we added three garden boxes.  This year we added three more.  Each time we mixed 1/3 compost with 1/3 peat moss with 1/3 course vermiculite.  Tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, several species of peppers, beans, and watermelon all love it.  They thrived in this soil mix.  After all thriving plants produce great results.

Thriving people produce great relationships.

Bold love — love that can provide room for hard conversations — needs a good mix to grow healthy realationships.

People thrive when they have a good mix of soil.

This week I’m writing about “bold love”, caring enough to confront.  As I begin, I wonder about your life, and your history.  I’m curious what your experiences, thoughts and feelings are when tensions rise in your relationships.

I’m wondering, when people have confronted you how did you respond?

Is timing the key?  “Choose the right time and I’ll listen to anyone.”  Or, “Tell me what’s on your mind at anytime.”  Like most people you’re probably somewhere in between.

What if the person is right, are you still defensive? 

What if the person is wrong, do you automatically feel angry and offended?

I’m behind a day because I’m thinking through the topic of “Bold Love”. The notion of “caring enough to confront” is not a new one, I just want to handle it wisely.

Mortal Kombat, the classic video game introduced ‘Fatalities’.1  A fatality is usually a lethal final move that defeats a foe. Fatalities were often cruel and unusual means of exterminating an opponent.

Sound familiar?

Ever felt like a former best friend finished you off with a fatality? Ever sat in a lunchroom watching with morbid curiosity as people who used to be lovers are now involved in a death match? Ever squared off with your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse wondering if this was the end?

My hope is that after reading this you will no longer choose to use your fatality moves.

Yesterday I asked you to think back to your childhood views of marriage.

Do you have the same view of marriage when you were a kid, or has it changed?
Happily ever after is what I hoped for.  Maybe you did too.
Has your view changed?  Mine has.

I watched and learned from my parents. They shared hopes, dreams, hobbies and dramas. When my best friends’ parents divorced, I was so confused.  They seemed to love one another. It’s easy to feel disillusioned when all around you is heartache and heart-break.

9493 days ago I met this really cute blond girl in the lobby of her college dorm. A couple months later I was thrilled she agreed to go out with me.  You can read more about our relationship here.

As Amy and I started dating it became clear that she set a benchmark of kindness, humility and thoughtfulness that far exceeded my own.

Amy does not pursue unsolicited attention for her actions, but I watched and wondered, “Could I ever be like her?”