Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.

I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.

It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.

We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.

Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

Yesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.

Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.

You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.

As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Assess
– Fix
– Mind-map
– Problem-solve
– Trace things back to their origin

I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.

People pass away every day.

Parents are in pain every day.

Teens deal with backstabbing and drama every day.

What can you do to help?
What’s been most effective?

Listen.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Listen patiently without an agenda.
Listen compassionately without judgment.

My Two Requests

My good friend Nick is flying tomorrow to support a loved one whose son was killed by a drunk driver.

If you’re a praying person – especially if you’re a parent – please pray for the young man’s grieving family and friends.

If you’re like me when I want to get to my destination delays annoy me.

I feel embarrassed how often I’ve heartlessly passed wrecks on the road and felt annoyed.

People had their lives altered, perhaps injured or worse, and I’m just glad I can move on with my day.

God challenges us to “be kind and merciful to one another.” 1

God challenges me to be less self-centered!

Wrecks On Our Road

We might not have a chance to stop for a motorist, but will we stop to listen?

As I was approaching fifty years old I sought the wisdom of my elders. I sought out men and women older than I was to learn lessons on life that they had been learning.

Last Monday I began a series entitled A Treasure Chest Of Wisdom, including:

1. Don’t Hold Grudges
2. Take Care Of Your Health.
3. Compassion Makes Sense and Giving Is Better Than Taking
4. Greed Gains Momentum
5. Gratitude Leads To Contentment
6. Contentment Leads To Generosity
7. Everyone Splashes. Splash Blessings.
8. Find A Mentor

“Why did you decide to become a mentor?”

Monday I warned you about 9 Consequences Of Not Listening.

Yesterday I introduced you to 8 Benefits Of Asking Questions Instead Of Demanding To Be Heard.

Today let me expand on those 8 benefits for parents, lovers and friends.

Note – While I color-coded for parents, lovers and friends, the suggestions are not exclusively for those groups.

Questions help us understand the problem from another perspective.
Parents – You’ll take a step back from your worry-place.
Lovers – You’ll maintain your commitment to togetherness.
Friends – You’ll contribute to the brainstorming.

When people listen, really listen, great things happen.

Listening is a skill.

When people utilize attentive listening skills great things can happen: 
– I’ve seen crises averted when people utilized attentive listening skills.
– I’ve seen tensions diminished when people utilized attentive listening skills.
– I’ve seen stressful relationships healed when people utilized attentive listening skills.
And, you’ve seen it too.

Unfortunately, when people don’t utilized attentive listening skills bad things can happen.
– I’ve seen “blind people” perpetuate lies.
– I’ve seen “deaf people” shut down conversations.
– I’ve seen “dumb people” drag others down.
And, you’ve seen it too.

In the past couple weeks I’ve found myself in several conflicts. 

Sometimes it was clearly my fault, other times it was a miscommunication, and I’ve also been attacked by others.

Whether it’s listening to someone we’ve hurt, listening to someone explain their perspective, or listening to someone we’ve been hurt by, almost everyone I know agrees that we need to become better listeners.

Here are six helpful tips that I’m learning.

6 Attitudes That Get In The Way Of Listening:

My friend Angela said it briefly and wisely…”love takes courage.” <3

Courage.
Courage to love.
Courage to love through conflict.
Courage to love despite inevitable change. and the courage to love from a distance.

Remember that the time and effort we invest in a relationship, is evidence of the value we place in it:

If we prioritize our marriage relationship it will most likely give us a happier marriage.

If we prioritize time and trust with a best friend it will most likely yield a lasting friendship.