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Feb 20

Rebuilding After Relationship-Rot

Posted on Wednesday, February 20, 2013 in Uncategorized

crumbling_brickworkBad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

Feb 19

Dating Drama – Unstable Foundations

Posted on Tuesday, February 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

Broken_wall_texturesOften times when people contact me about their relationship problems it’s because their relationships were built on unstable foundations.

Let me explain, relationships, like buildings, need a firm and solid foundation including:
– Honesty
– Respect
– Kindness
– Thoughtfulness

Unfortunately, many relationships begin just the opposite:
– Dishonesty
– Suspicion
– Selfishness
– Greed

Oh, I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Consider these four examples:

Example 1 – Because of deep-seated fears rooted after the loss of her mother at a young add she guards herself with dishonesty.

Feb 13

Saying No

Posted on Wednesday, February 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

NOFor many of us, “No” is the first word that we spoke.

And, we heard it throughout our childhood:
“No, you can’t do that.”
“No, you’re not old enough.”
“No, you’re not big enough.”

As we got older people used “No” as a weapon:
“No, you’re not pretty enough.”
“No, you’re not smart enough.”
“No, you’re not good enough.”

“No” can protect.
“No” can push away.

Push-Away Politely

Scenarios: You are – asked out, flirted with, asked to dance, offered a drink, etc. – by someone you’re not interested in. What can you do?

Dec 19

Real Friends Fight Dishonesty

Posted on Wednesday, December 19, 2012 in Uncategorized

Do you relate like you value honesty?

I guess it’s true what they say, you can’t trust anyone
Because no matter how much someone can mean to you
There isn’t anyone that you can find in life who hasn’t lied
Whether once or many times, it doesn’t matter
We all do it and we are all to blame
No one is perfect but is anyone really innocent?
We are people and we find ways to have our fun
Some are sick and twisted and get what they want
And some are just trying to be happy
And it’s true, we don’t think ahead… 1

Dec 18

Friendships Need Honesty

Posted on Tuesday, December 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

Since 1990 I’ve worked at TreeHouse. TreeHouse is a faith based, non-profit organization offering hope and guidance to hurting teens, alumni, and parents during difficult times.

TreeHouse is a safe place to be real about the pain in their lives that is causing them to think and act out in destructive ways. TreeHouse is a place to have fun, meet friends, discover faith, overcome pain, serve others, and be empowered to succeed.

TreeHouse alumni often tell me that they wish that they had relationships as adults like the ones that they had at TreeHouse.

Oct 4

Kindness & the Debates

Posted on Thursday, October 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

I watched the debate between President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney last night.

The two participants became contentious. 

Maybe they cared deeply about having the most accurate and helpful information.

Maybe they work hard at accuracy and — being right — they wanted to be quoted accurately.

But, I’m saddened to think that they might care more about being elected.

What Would They Sacrifice To Win?

Following the debate I read various perspectives about the debate.

Adam Clymer, writing for the New York Times, began:

Sep 27

Blunder

Posted on Thursday, September 27, 2012 in Uncategorized

This week we’re examining painful dating.  Tuesday’s For Crying Out Loud included  grief, loss, and the healing benefits of tears.  Wednesday included helpful hints for dealing with being dumped.

Blunders

Last night — at a party — a guy I’ve had a huge crush on told my best friend that he liked me too. This morning I sent him a text message telling him how excited I was. Before he replied I caught up to my best friend. She didn’t know what I was talking about. I dreamed it all, EXCEPT for the embarrassing text I really sent my crush.

Sep 26

Dumped

Posted on Wednesday, September 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

Crying, and crying out loud in our pain, makes sense when we get dumped.

Last night we watched an episode of the television show Big Bang Theory. Leonard professed his love to his girlfriend Penny. Taken off guard, the slow to trust, Penny didn’t reciprocate. One thing led to another and Leonard got dumped.

Later lonely-Leonard hung out with his friend Raj. Raj, like Leonard, was feeling lonely for love. Here was their exchange:

Leonard: Don’t worry. You’ll meet a girl someday.

Raj: No, I won’t.

May 6

To Be Perfectly Honest by Phil Callaway

Posted on Sunday, May 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

Author and speaker Phil Callaway took an oath of honesty for one year, and wrote about what he discovered.

“To Be Perfectly Honest” is formatted as a year-long diary, with 365 entries chronicling the author’s year of trying to tell the truth.

I found “To Be Perfectly Honest” to be very good at exposing weaknesses in our lives; in MY life.

Though I was taught better, I grew up an insecure liar. As an adult I am committed to telling the truth, but I am amazed how often “little white lies” creep out unexpectedly when talking to a stranger in the phone who is not giving me the customer service I think I want and deserve.

Mar 29

Blinded By Fear

Posted on Thursday, March 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

 While driving through the mountains of Colorado more than once I felt afraid.  While there are times when fear is unwarranted, trying to drive along a road, without guardrails, with blind curves which with almost 180-degree turns, I felt the discomfort — my fear — was justified.

Some fears are justified, some not.  Sometimes we’re blinded by fear. 1

Blinded By Fear

Robert McGee has identified nine reactions — what I’m calling blind spots — people have when encumbered by a fear of failure. 

Yesterday I identified the first four reactions, here are the other five: