We have a small bucket outside our garage door. When we don’t want to walk to the back corner of our backyard to the compost pile we toss compostable kitchen scraps into the bucket.

Yesterday as I threw some scraps into the bucket dozens of flies instantly and unexpectedly flew out of the bucket.

Flies

Al Andrews wrote a humble and insightful post entitled, What To Say When Everything Is Not “Fine”.

It made me think of our bucket of flies.

It’s been said that opposites attract.
Those same opposites tend to attack.

Identical twins don’t always get along. Best friends with “a million-things in common” don’t either.

Good communication skills and a high level of honesty aren’t sure things; but in a relationship recipe mixed with love they sure do help!

Relationships always involve levels of risk and reward.

A couple weeks ago my friends Rachel and Lance celebrated their love with a wedding. At their wedding, the best man Alex read a poem. I’m not often engaged by poetry, but this one was an exception.

This Christmas my wife bought me (by my request) season 6 of CBS’s The Big Bang Theory television show.

1. Be patient. 1

Bernadette: So, you actually see you and Sheldon getting married someday?
Amy: Not just someday. In exactly four years. But don’t tell Sheldon. He’s still a flight risk.

Patient fishing catches fish. Impatient pursuit scares away many potential catches.

2. Don’t be pushy. 2

I’m on a search.
A hunt.
I’m looking for an honest person.

I know…

I know I sound cynical, skeptical and maybe distrusting, but, well, I am. It’s one of the risks of the work I do. People, good people, trust me with the deep, dark parts of their lives.

Though I feel incredibly honored, respected and trusted, it also reminds me how often “honest people” can be various shades of dishonest depending in their circumstances.

I am…

We’ve all done it.
We’ve lashed out.
Defended ourselves.
Attacked the other.
We justified our choices.
We felt our self-pity.

That might have “worked” in the past.
There is another way.
The time is now to model a new strategy.

The Truth

You’ve been hurt. You’ve left the wounds. You’ve felt the hurtful words and you’ve thrown the verbal jabs and painful punches.

It’s counter-cultural, but I’d really like to encourage you to take to heart the value of humility.

Justified By Anger

“You gotta be yourself…”
“I was like…”
“But then that b**** said…”

“She talks too much!
“I woulda told that hoe…”
“But that stupid b**** said…”

“Hey, I’m just being REAL…”
“I’ve gotta be able to say how I feel. I don’t care, I’m stand up.”

I know you’ve heard it.
Have you thought it?
Maybe you said it.

Justified By Self-Pity

Can’t relate to any of those? How about the awkward moment when you realize you’re wrong in an argument, but you keep arguing anyway. Or your daydreaming your way through those perfect conversations where finally everyone agrees the other person was at fault.

Corruption Challenged

Why do people feel compelled to tell their friends that they like their ugly shirt? That “their hair is so cute”? That they enjoy a song that they’ve never heard? Or, watched a movie they’ve never seen?

Why?

I believe that it’s all boils down to a fear of rejection. Too often we are held in bondage by fear; that if we are honest that people will reject us.

I have found that people like and trust me more since I chose to always be honest than when I tried to say what I thought that they wanted me to say.

“Lying is a cooperative act…We’re against lying, but we’re covertly for it, in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries.” That quote from Pamela Meyer validates my belief that honesty is counter-cultural.

Honesty is a culturally threatening; few people make it a constant choice. Lying is so prevalent that it’s counter-cultural to choose to be honest.

“On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times. Now granted, many of those are white lies.”

“White lies”? Lying is so common we even have designations for lies.

Last night as I sat in a TreeHouse support group I sat in awe.

There surrounded by junior high teens I found myself grateful for their patient listening, gracious sharing and genuine compassion.

Most of the teens in my small group had been part of TreeHouse only a few weeks, yet directly and indirectly each teen reminded the other that “this is a safe place.”

Safe places are too few and far between. Those safe places, cared for and nurtured by safe people are safe harbors for the strong and the able, the weak and the wounded, and the lost and the wandering.

Secrets, we all have them.
Secrets, we all guard them.
Secrets, we all fear their exposure.

Yesterday I mentioned Josh Groban’s song – Hidden Away.

If you haven’t had a chance to hear it, give it a listen. He opens the song with:

“Over mountains and sky blue seas
On great circles will you watch for me?
The sweetest feeling I’ve got inside
I just can’t wait to get lost in your eyes
And all these words that you meant to say
Held in silence day after day
Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave
Please don’t keep them hidden away”