I gave out my cell phone number to a new friend this week.

As soon as I shared my number I felt obligated to explain a few things:
– I don’t answer very often
– I don’t text back very quickly
– I don’t answer when I’m busy
– I don’t respond to people who call or text repeatedly

A few years ago I decided it was easier to explain this list of annoyances when I share my number than to have to make apologies.

Why is it so hard to cope with peer pressure?

Why does peer pressure cause us so much stress whether it’s in a school lunchroom, a college dorm or a corporate board room.

Why? There are many reason. Steve Stephens wrote a brief, yet insightful list explaining why friendships are important to us; even those who are just coworkers. .

Why Friends Are Important by Dr. Steve Stephens

They laugh with us
They cry with us
They build memories with us
They stand beside us
They confront us
They believe the best in us
They help us grow
They keep us from temptation
They make our lives better

Date rape is real, it’s tragic, and sometimes it’s very confusing.

This is a fictional account that’s written – based on true stories – to give words to those who are scared, silent, and silenced.

Today’s account was written from a female’s perspective.
Tomorrow’s account is from the male’s perspective entitled “His Story.”

Bad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

My friend and co-worker at TreeHouse LeAndra Williams has a great spin on friendship. So, LeAndra, take it away!

“After many years and different friendships I have come to a place in my life to recognize helpful and hurtful friends. I have had the privilege to experience both.”

Lee, what have you learned?

“The first step to recognize if you have helpful or hurtful friend is to see which category your friend fits in. Friends are usually in one of these categories. A friend is either an Adder, a Subtracter, a Multiplier, or a Divider.”

Let me explain:

I’m reading Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities.  It’s been a hard book to read; lots of pain.

“If you hear in my voice — I don’t know that it is so, but I hope it is — if you hear in my voice any resemblance to a voice that once was sweet music in your ears, weep for it, weep for it!

If you touch, in touching my hair, anything that recalls a beloved head that lay on your breast when you were young and free, weep for it, weep for it!

Unconditional love, unfailing love (as the Bible calls it) or “love without strings” as we call it at TreeHouse is a rare & precious commodity.

A commodity that you and I can increase.

To paraphrase Leo Buscaglia, “A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be herself or himself
– to laugh with me, but never at me;
– to cry with me, but never because of me;
– to love life,
– to love yourself,
– to love being loved.
Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.” 1

I wrote my first Spoken Word poem today.

Some would say, “I wish he would crush me.
I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me…
But in my distress I cried out to the Lord;
yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me…my cry to him reached his ears…

He reached down from heaven and rescued me;
he drew me out of deep waters.

For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock…

While it’s true that love can happen anywhere, there are standards and expectations that provide an environment in which a healthy community grows.

As I wrote yesterday, “every week as I sit in our TreeHouse support groups I am in awe. Teens find hope amid their hurt, faith amid their fears, and love despite their pangs of loneliness…I wish everyone had a community like that.”

I Wish We Did Too

As my friend Hudson pointed out tonight, the following list is a wish list — Imagine If… — based on hopes and dreams. While some of them are possible, and others are measurable, there are on the list that are almost fantasies; but, still we reach and stretch for more.

Every week as I sit in our TreeHouse support groups I am in awe. Teens find hope amid their hurt, faith amid their fears, and love despite their pangs of loneliness.

I wish everyone had a community like that.

As I tell the teens all the time, this level of communication, this kind of intimacy and this freedom to be flawed or successful without judgement can happen anywhere, at anytime when people have the same vision and similar communication skills.

Love can happen anywhere.

It’s a choice.