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Aug 15

Beware: Never Judge Others By Your Limited Perspective

Posted on Wednesday, August 15, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Monday I began this dialogue with Olympics: Judge & Jury, continuing Tuesday with “Caution – We don’t know the whole story.”

We have one perspective.

There may be another.

The Stories

The “dropout” whose pot-smoking parents never challenge him.
The “skeeze” whose dad did more hopping than Frogger.
The “gamer” whose parents never expected anything from him.
The “slut” whose dad, step-dad, 2nd step-dad, and mom’s before all left.

Another Side Of The Stories

Aug 14

Caution – We don’t know the whole story.

Posted on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Yesterday in Olympics: Judge & Jury I introduced some of the challenges we face when we assess — when we judge — the lives of other people.

I met the girl everyone thought was a “b****.” She hasn’t been spoiled all her life, just since her dad abandoned her and her mom died.  

I met the “lazy guy” who never did any housework because he wasn’t taught to do so.  His hard-working mom was too tired to clean house and too tired to parent.

Aug 13

Olympics: Judge & Jury

Posted on Monday, August 13, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Caution – Course language used in this post may offend you.

Millions, perhaps a billion people, spent time in the last two weeks watching the Olympics.

While the athletes are judged in their individual events, real life is not like the Olympics. We do not have a right to judge and award people based on competitions of our choosing.

While we do not have the right to arbitrarily create events in which we serve as judge, many people do.

Have you seen, or judged these events?
– Who’s the biggest “b****”?
– What’s up with their yard/house/car?
– Who’s gonna do something about him?
– Who’s kid is that?

Jun 23

Don’t Settle, Get Support

Posted on Saturday, June 23, 2012 in Relational

“Whoever does not have a good father should procure one.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

I love that quote.
– Do you wish that you had a trustworthy father figure? Find one.
– Do you wish that you had an affirming father figure? Find one.
– Do you wish that you had a playful father figure? Find one.
– Do you wish that you had a wise father figure? Find one.

If I was looking for a father figure I would look in a good church. Honest.  Regardless what you’ve heard, there are many good people in good churches who are making a positive difference in the world. 

Jun 22

Father Hunger & Approval

Posted on Friday, June 22, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

When did your parents say nice things to you and about you? How did you feel? Or, sadly, maybe you can’t think of a time when you parents gave you positive attention.

Robert McGee wrote, “Every rejection reminded me that as a child I had never experienced the love from my father that I wanted–that I deserved.”

“When father/child relationships become seriously distorted, children lose perspective. They cease to feel valued and valuable. Having learned that more is required than merely being, children soon turn to doing by trying to behave in a way that pleases the parent.”

Jun 21

Grief, Loss & Father Hunger

Posted on Thursday, June 21, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

Because the trajectory of our lives is affected by our relationship with our fathers it must be examined. When our relationship with our dad has left wounds and scars, our “father hunger” needs attention.

Try to be honest, do you feel a sense of loss when you think of your relationship with your father? If so, how do you cope with that loss?

Grief, Loss & Father Hunger

Susan Berger is a researcher studying the grief and loss of others:
– She interviewed hundreds of people
– She studied how they have been able to move on after the death of a loved one.

Jun 20

Emotional Signs of Father Hunger

Posted on Wednesday, June 20, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual

Monday I proposed that what comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

Yesterday I supported my opinion that “father hunger” affects us deeply.  Many people have a void inside them that is due to “father hunger,” and this disguised hunger has had great impact on the way they live.

I finished by asking four questions:

How hungry am I?
How hungry are you?
Do you know someone starving?
How would we know?

Emotional Signs of Father Hunger

Jun 19

Perspective

Posted on Tuesday, June 19, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Values

Yesterday I proposed that what comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

SUPPORTIVE Perspectives

Here are four philosophical perspectives that supportive my position.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.
– Sigmund Freud

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.
– Carl Jung

The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.
– Benjamin Spock

Jun 18

Trajectory

Posted on Monday, June 18, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Values

What comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

Intuition in Action

Sometimes positive father-memories help us to soar.

“A New York ad agency art director was stumped on how to satisfy his biggest client, a clothing manufacturer.

The campaign he had presented had fallen flat and not met the client’s expectations.

Jun 17

Fathers! Don’t Settle!

Posted on Sunday, June 17, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Social, Spiritual, Values

Far too many people settle for what is, rather than what could be, because it seems like so much work. 

Fatherhood is an area of life that far too many men settle for what for what is, for what they can think of, or see, or had modeled, rather than seek for wisdom.

While I was in Steamboat Springs, Colorado training the staff at SK8Church, Buck Chavarria introduced me to Chris Spradlin the author of EpicParent.TV.

Today Chris’s insights will take center stage here on mysilentscream.

Here’s Chris: