Posted on Saturday, March 7, 2015 in Uncategorized
If you felt overwhelmed, not good enough and unqualified you might wonder, “Why am I here?” That struggle, and the other lessons I’ve learned over the past twenty-five years at TreeHouse are part of this series called “10 for 25.”
Why Am I Here?
When we feel out of place, it helps to find out what we are qualified to contribute. My StrengthsQuest assessment explained, “Your Individualization theme leads you to be intrigued by the unique qualities of each person.” Yes, I am.
“You are impatient with generalizations or “types” because you don’t want to obscure what is special and distinct about each person.” So true!
Posted on Wednesday, October 30, 2013 in Uncategorized
A while back I wrote the very popular 9 Consequences Of Not Listening.
This week I’d like to highlight five listening moments.
Monday was Listening to Understand
Tuesday was Listen Deeply
One of the treasures in my life is how much other people trust me. The joys, the sorrows, the missteps and the secrets that people share with me are among my most precious treasures.
Sometimes we wander onto a treasure like a random twenty dollar bill on the ground. Sometimes we find a treasure by randomly watching a movie on Netflix. Sometimes we have to dig deep for a treasure like hard gardening work in the Spring months before a Fall harvest.
Posted on Thursday, June 27, 2013 in Uncategorized
I spend a lot of time with loud, laughing teenagers. I love their energy. I love their whimsy. I love their willingness to have fun.
Have you ever been in a store, library or restaurant and noticed a group of teens gathered near you who were louder than anyone else?
Maybe they were aware of how loud they were.
Maybe they were not.
I also spend a fair amount of time with “socially awkward” teens. Some are more awkward than others:
– They ask questions at inopportune times:
“Can we go to McDonalds now?”
– They uninhibitedly comment, assess and judge:
“Scott, you’re an xxxhole.”
– They uninhibitedly say what most people would not:
“I like (masturbating).”
Posted on Wednesday, June 26, 2013 in Uncategorized
Golfers yell “fore” when he or she hits a shot that might strike another golfer on the course. In fact, it is every golfer’s responsibility to watch carefully after hitting a shot to make sure another golfer is not in danger.
Unfortunately, I’ve had to shout “Fore!” more than once.
Sometimes it’s just a warning.
Other times it’s imminent danger.
To me and you: “Fore!” “My friends, watch out!” 1
I’ve spent the last year thinking through myself. I am trying to notice, to watch:
– What am I doing?
– Why am I doing it?
– Who’s watching?
– Am I living and acting like someone I would admire?
Posted on Tuesday, June 25, 2013 in Uncategorized
My first year at TreeHouse was challenging. During that first year I quickly realized that despite an excellent education, wise mentors and patient supervision that I was unprepared.
– Unprepared for the pain I would see
– Unprepared for the emotions people would express
– Unprepared for the evil “loved ones” would perpetrate
– Unprepared for the diverse values, motives and philosophies of life
People, caring about people, is challenging.
Every emotionally healthy person can learn empathy. We can all develop what google.com called our “ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” 1
Posted on Monday, June 24, 2013 in Uncategorized
Almost every day someone asks me to help them with a relationship concern.
– What’s her problem?
– What can I do?
– What’s he thinking?
– How should I explain…
Most people are looking for a solution.
I’ve found one. I’ve found empathy improves all of my relationships.
According to brittanica.com empathy is “the ability to imagine oneself in another’s place and understand the other’s feelings, desires, ideas, and actions.” 1
Posted on Wednesday, March 13, 2013 in Uncategorized
Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.
I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.
It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.
We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.
Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.
Posted on Tuesday, March 12, 2013 in Uncategorized
Yesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.
Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.
You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.
As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Trace things back to their origin
I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.
Posted on Monday, March 11, 2013 in Uncategorized
People pass away every day.
Parents are in pain every day.
Teens deal with backstabbing and drama every day.
What can you do to help?
What’s been most effective?
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Listen patiently without an agenda.
Listen compassionately without judgment.
My Two Requests
My good friend Nick is flying tomorrow to support a loved one whose son was killed by a drunk driver.
If you’re a praying person – especially if you’re a parent – please pray for the young man’s grieving family and friends.