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Oct 30

Listen Beneath The Surface

Posted on Wednesday, October 30, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

rememberingsA while back I wrote the very popular 9 Consequences Of Not Listening.

This week I’d like to highlight five listening moments.

Monday was Listening to Understand
Tuesday was Listen Deeply

Listen In

One of the treasures in my life is how much other people trust me. The joys, the sorrows, the missteps and the secrets that people share with me are among my most precious treasures.

Sometimes we wander onto a treasure like a random twenty dollar bill on the ground. Sometimes we find a treasure by randomly watching a movie on Netflix. Sometimes we have to dig deep for a treasure like hard gardening work in the Spring months before a Fall harvest.

Jun 28

6 Ways To Help People Who Messed Up

Posted on Friday, June 28, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

536498_mother_and_sonEvery time we choose to show empathy we bless the other person with respect and we bless ourselves with self-respect.

Show empathy to those who mess up.

6 Ways To Help People Who Messed Up

1. Help her or him to realize what they have done.

2. Don’t make things worse by supporting their error or giving them excuses.

3. Listen for what is behind what they have done.

4. Tell them the truth.
– Locate The Trouble Spots.
– Try to assess what has gone wrong.
– Ask yourself, “How did we get into this mess?”
– Apologize When You’re Wrong.
– It is foolish to let pride and insecurity keep us from repairing and restoring.

Jun 27

You Get Me

Posted on Thursday, June 27, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, TreeHouse, Values

teenage_brother_and_sisterI spend a lot of time with loud, laughing teenagers. I love their energy. I love their whimsy. I love their willingness to have fun.

Have you ever been in a store, library or restaurant and noticed a group of teens gathered near you who were louder than anyone else?

Maybe they were aware of how loud they were.
Maybe they were not.

I also spend a fair amount of time with “socially awkward” teens. Some are more awkward than others:
– They ask questions at inopportune times:
“Can we go to McDonalds now?”

– They uninhibitedly comment, assess and judge:
“Scott, you’re an xxxhole.”

– They uninhibitedly say what most people would not:
“I like (masturbating).”

Jun 26

Enemies of Empathy

Posted on Wednesday, June 26, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

1064361_golf_ball “Fore!”

Golfers yell “fore” when he or she hits a shot that might strike another golfer on the course. In fact, it is every golfer’s responsibility to watch carefully after hitting a shot to make sure another golfer is not in danger.

“Fore!”

Unfortunately, I’ve had to shout ”Fore!” more than once.
Sometimes it’s just a warning.
Other times it’s imminent danger.

To me and you: “Fore!” “My friends, watch out!” 1

Watch Out?

I’ve spent the last year thinking through myself. I am trying to notice, to watch:
– What am I doing?
– Why am I doing it?
– Who’s watching?
– Am I living and acting like someone I would admire?

Jun 25

Learn Empathy

Posted on Tuesday, June 25, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

praying66955_640

 

People Challenges

My first year at TreeHouse was challenging. During that first year I quickly realized that despite an excellent education, wise mentors and patient supervision that I was unprepared.
– Unprepared for the pain I would see
– Unprepared for the emotions people would express
– Unprepared for the evil “loved ones” would perpetrate
– Unprepared for the diverse values, motives and philosophies of life

People, caring about people, is challenging.

Learn Empathy

Every emotionally healthy person can learn empathy. We can all develop what google.com called our “ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” 1

Jun 24

Do You Care?

Posted on Monday, June 24, 2013 in Education, Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

girlsafrican-14113_640Almost every day someone asks me to help them with a relationship concern.
– What’s her problem?
– What can I do?
– What’s he thinking?
– How should I explain…

Most people are looking for a solution.

I’ve found one. I’ve found empathy improves all of my relationships.

What’s Empathy?

According to brittanica.com empathy is “the ability to imagine oneself in another’s place and understand the other’s feelings, desires, ideas, and actions.” 1

Mar 13

Your Compassion

Posted on Wednesday, March 13, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

920325_sadness_5Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.

I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.

It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.

We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.

Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

Mar 12

Silently Express Your Compassion

Posted on Tuesday, March 12, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

1022427_despairlonelynessYesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.

Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.

You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.

As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Assess
– Fix
– Mind-map
– Problem-solve
– Trace things back to their origin

I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.

Mar 11

How To Express Your Compassion

Posted on Monday, March 11, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

920325_sadness_5People pass away every day.

Parents are in pain every day.

Teens deal with backstabbing and drama every day.

What can you do to help?
What’s been most effective?

Listen.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Listen patiently without an agenda.
Listen compassionately without judgment.

My Two Requests

My good friend Nick is flying tomorrow to support a loved one whose son was killed by a drunk driver.

If you’re a praying person – especially if you’re a parent – please pray for the young man’s grieving family and friends.

Oct 21

Questions That Help Make Your Heart Grow Stronger

Posted on Friday, October 21, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi has been defeated.  MSNBC reported that his last words were: ‘Do you know right from wrong?’ I do not know whether he was treated as he should have been or not. I know that he deserved justice,  just like you and I do.

I don’t interact with world leaders, but in my sphere of influence I have to ask myself: ‘Do you know right from wrong?

I want to treat people, especially my loved ones, with the ultimate respect.  I try, but sometimes I get in my own way.