Yesterday as Josh Groban walked toward me I smiled and thought to myself, I wonder if he’ll pause look around the room and ask, “Whose writing all those mysilentscream posts about my songs?”

If you missed those posts, here they are:
Hidden Away
Our Hiding
Secrets & Hiding
Secrets: As If.

Josh Groban and TreeHouse
False Alarms by Josh Groban
Brave by Josh Groban
War At Home by Josh Groban
If I Walk Away by Josh Groban

Human Trafficking and The Prayer by Josh Groban
Believe by Josh Groban
You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban
You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) by Josh Groban

If you’re like me, this has been a thought-provoking week.

The reader-response to this week’s mysilentscream.com had me thinking long and hard about the depth of our drama, the taste of our of trauma, and the deep pit in which some of our hidden pain resides.

Next week we’ll take a look at how to deal with our anger.

As this week concludes this ancient song — known as Psalm 51 — continues to echo through my mind as a prayer to God for help. 1

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.

Monday I began this dialogue with Olympics: Judge & Jury, and continued it yesterday with “Caution – We don’t know the whole story.”

One gracious reader read and replied, “I was raped by a guy when I was 22 I would judge him and say he needs help…because he did. (He victimized) 5 other women…but he is and was aware of what he was doing so I wouldn’t feel sympathy.”

As someone who has never experienced a rape I cannot begin to grasp the depth of how that would affect a victim, all I can say is “Wow, thank you you for your humble willingness to add your perspective to our dialogue.”

I’m forty-nine years old. I don’t feel old, but I don’t feel young either.

I spend my life encouraging others to live their life well.  Mysilentscream.com exists — through stories, some tips, and some Scriptures — to inspire you to live well. 

As I’m nearing fifty I’m looking for “older” people to inspire me to live the rest of my life well too.  Billy Graham’s book Nearing Home: Life, Faith, and Finishing Well seemed like a good fit.

Billy Graham’s book is honest, vulnerable, and inspiring.

When I was thirteen I was held underwater by a gym-class bullies.  As much as I struggled and fought to break free I couldn’t.  I wrote about my experience with the fear of drowning here. 

It’s been more than twenty-five years since that day, and yet, even in the beauty of Hawaii last week I was afraid of drowning.  Fear runs deep in many of us.  Maybe your not afraid of drowning in water, maybe your fear is drowning in:
– Debt
– Despair
– Disappointment
– Failure
– The Ocean of Bad Relationships
– The Sea of Doubt
– Your Fears About Your Uncertain Future

My friend Jimmy Cooper has one of those experiences that you want, and don’t want to have. I’ll let him explain. 1

 On January 19th, 2012 -  I was with my wife Christiane in our apartment in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. We had been out on a date and we had just gotten home. Actually, I guess we had been home for an hour or so and it was pretty late at night, about 1:30am. I started having an overwhelming feeling that I needed to lie down. It was out of the blue and I couldn’t fight it, so I lay down in bed and closed my eyes. I wasn’t feeling well and it came on so quickly, I just had to close my eyes.

I hated swimming in gym class.

It wasn’t bad enough that I didn’t like swimming, but the school pool had more chlorine in it than a toxic waste dump.

I’m certain that I would win a substantial lawsuit if I videotaped the other humiliations projected upon me by the gym teachers, but my least favorite part of swimming was when the teacher was out of the room.

One day two upperclassmen held me under the water in the deep end so long that I ABSOLUTELY PANICKED.

I met Dr. Bob Rakestraw when I was a graduate school student.

While reading through my class notes I found a note that I had written to myself.  I wrote, “Scott, remember this and tell it to the TH kids.”  [I'm not sure why I wrote notes to myself in the third person, but I did.]

What was so important?  What did I wish that Bob Rakestraw had taught at TreeHouse?  Bob said, “We are not fully experiencing life unless we have meaningful relationships.”

That stuck with me.

Years Later

Tuesday I had a near-death experience.

While driving home — surprise — death came calling.

Death Came Calling

I was sitting at the intersection talking to my friend Jesse waiting to turn at the light.  The green arrow lit up.

Time to go.

I started to turn left and stopped for no apparent reason.

My foot slowly rose off the gas pedal, for no apparent reason.

Suddenly…ZOOOOM!!!

A southbound city bus traveling at a high speed went through a red light at 252 & 66th Ave N.