Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.

I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.

It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.

We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.

Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

Yesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.

Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.

You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.

As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Assess
– Fix
– Mind-map
– Problem-solve
– Trace things back to their origin

I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.

People pass away every day.

Parents are in pain every day.

Teens deal with backstabbing and drama every day.

What can you do to help?
What’s been most effective?

Listen.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Listen patiently without an agenda.
Listen compassionately without judgment.

My Two Requests

My good friend Nick is flying tomorrow to support a loved one whose son was killed by a drunk driver.

If you’re a praying person – especially if you’re a parent – please pray for the young man’s grieving family and friends.

Bad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

Often times when people contact me about their relationship problems it’s because their relationships were built on unstable foundations.

Let me explain, relationships, like buildings, need a firm and solid foundation including:
– Honesty
– Respect
– Kindness
– Thoughtfulness

Unfortunately, many relationships begin just the opposite:
– Dishonesty
– Suspicion
– Selfishness
– Greed

Oh, I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Consider these four examples:

Example 1 – Because of deep-seated fears rooted after the loss of her mother at a young add she guards herself with dishonesty.

Last Friday began a series that will run all week called Dating Drama.  Whether you’re dating or not, you know someone who is.  This might be a chance for you to contribute, comment and encourage those who are.

Some people have great relationships, some not.

Friday night my boyfriend texted me. He dumped me; by TEXT!

When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, “What are you talking about? I didn’t break up with you.” Apparently, he had meant the text for someone else. He was breaking up with another girlfriend (that I didn’t know about).

For many of us, “No” is the first word that we spoke.

And, we heard it throughout our childhood:
“No, you can’t do that.”
“No, you’re not old enough.”
“No, you’re not big enough.”

As we got older people used “No” as a weapon:
“No, you’re not pretty enough.”
“No, you’re not smart enough.”
“No, you’re not good enough.”

“No” can protect.
“No” can push away.

Push-Away Politely

Scenarios: You are – asked out, flirted with, asked to dance, offered a drink, etc. – by someone you’re not interested in. What can you do?

My friend and co-worker at TreeHouse LeAndra Williams has a great spin on friendship. So, LeAndra, take it away!

“After many years and different friendships I have come to a place in my life to recognize helpful and hurtful friends. I have had the privilege to experience both.”

Lee, what have you learned?

“The first step to recognize if you have helpful or hurtful friend is to see which category your friend fits in. Friends are usually in one of these categories. A friend is either an Adder, a Subtracter, a Multiplier, or a Divider.”

Let me explain:

If you feel like a mess today.
If you know someone who feels like a mess today. 
It’s not the end of the world.

She’s not alone.
He’s not alone.
You’re not alone.

We ask questions about life, death, and the meaning and purpose of life. Together we ask, “What’s going on?“

“We all have a hunger for certitude, and the problem is that the Gospel is not about certitude, it’s about fidelity.”

Our struggle with faith is somewhat universal.  God doesn’t make it super-easy to believe, but believe is what God wants.  True belief, not based on guarantees that are indisputable, but belief based on a relationship.

There is never a shortage of drama.
There is always some fool who feels the need to “start something.”

Someone near you today filled with anger, impatience, and frustration from their weekend will probably spill it onto you. Avoid the obvious emotional reaction. Skip the “That was stupid” regret you’ll have later. Instead, duck the drama?

How?

Three Tips To Help You Duck The Drama

Lay Low – Don’t cause drama. It comes back to bite most people.
Take It Slow – Don’t jump to conclusions when people bring drama to you.
Say No! – Don’t repeat gossip.