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Nov 25

Thanksgiving Drama Defense

Posted on Tuesday, November 25, 2014 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

angry-girl-1098247-mAlmost every week I hear someone say, “she made me…” or “he made me…” as if they could.

Without a doubt we influence one another, but far too often we justify bad attitudes and hurtful responses because of the attitudes and decisions of others.

This week when tempers flare during your holiday gatherings here are three strategies to drop the drama:

1. Choose to use a soft voice.

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.“ 1

Regardless what the other person chooses you can chose a soft and kind tone in your voice.

Jun 3

Chosen For A Reason

Posted on Tuesday, June 3, 2014 in Relational

photo(2)I’m sitting in my car on a beautiful morning. No, I’m not writing and driving.

The sun is bright. The sky is cloud-free. The temperature is perfect. The breeze is a pleasant cool whisper.

I’m listening to music and thinking.

I’m thinking about what it’s like to be awarded and rewarded; the joy of being chosen.

Chosen on Merit

I’m thinking about what it must have been like to be among the minimized and marginalized and then surprise! You’re chosen and prized.

Last week our friend Bill was chosen. He was recognized. He was rewarded and awarded.

Dec 30

28 on 30

Posted on Monday, December 30, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social

7648_nThanks to Lance and Rachel, this weekend I had the privilege of officiating my 28th wedding. It’s not something I pursue – and I often turn down opportunities to officiate weddings – but getting to know couples on a deeper level and investing in their marriage is an incredible privilege.

As mysilentscream.com closes out 2013 and we head into 2014 I am excited to share helpful help that I have learned from incredible couples.

Whether you’re single or dating, married or harried, divorced or dilemma-filled, widowed or winsome in your disdain for commitment, I believe that you’ll find something of value.

Mar 13

Your Compassion

Posted on Wednesday, March 13, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

920325_sadness_5Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.

I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.

It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.

We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.

Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

Mar 12

Silently Express Your Compassion

Posted on Tuesday, March 12, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

1022427_despairlonelynessYesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.

Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.

You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.

As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Assess
– Fix
– Mind-map
– Problem-solve
– Trace things back to their origin

I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.

Mar 11

How To Express Your Compassion

Posted on Monday, March 11, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

920325_sadness_5People pass away every day.

Parents are in pain every day.

Teens deal with backstabbing and drama every day.

What can you do to help?
What’s been most effective?

Listen.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Listen patiently without an agenda.
Listen compassionately without judgment.

My Two Requests

My good friend Nick is flying tomorrow to support a loved one whose son was killed by a drunk driver.

If you’re a praying person – especially if you’re a parent – please pray for the young man’s grieving family and friends.

Feb 20

Rebuilding After Relationship-Rot

Posted on Wednesday, February 20, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

crumbling_brickworkBad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

Feb 19

Dating Drama – Unstable Foundations

Posted on Tuesday, February 19, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

Broken_wall_texturesOften times when people contact me about their relationship problems it’s because their relationships were built on unstable foundations.

Let me explain, relationships, like buildings, need a firm and solid foundation including:
– Honesty
– Respect
– Kindness
– Thoughtfulness

Unfortunately, many relationships begin just the opposite:
– Dishonesty
– Suspicion
– Selfishness
– Greed

Oh, I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Consider these four examples:

Example 1 – Because of deep-seated fears rooted after the loss of her mother at a young add she guards herself with dishonesty.

Feb 18

Dating Drama – Betrayed & Broken-Hearted

Posted on Monday, February 18, 2013 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, TreeHouse, Values

broken_heart_picLast Friday began a series that will run all week called Dating Drama.  Whether you’re dating or not, you know someone who is.  This might be a chance for you to contribute, comment and encourage those who are.

Some people have great relationships, some not.

Friday night my boyfriend texted me. He dumped me; by TEXT!

When I asked him for an explanation, his reply was, “What are you talking about? I didn’t break up with you.” Apparently, he had meant the text for someone else. He was breaking up with another girlfriend (that I didn’t know about).

Feb 13

Saying No

Posted on Wednesday, February 13, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

NOFor many of us, “No” is the first word that we spoke.

And, we heard it throughout our childhood:
“No, you can’t do that.”
“No, you’re not old enough.”
“No, you’re not big enough.”

As we got older people used “No” as a weapon:
“No, you’re not pretty enough.”
“No, you’re not smart enough.”
“No, you’re not good enough.”

“No” can protect.
“No” can push away.

Push-Away Politely

Scenarios: You are – asked out, flirted with, asked to dance, offered a drink, etc. – by someone you’re not interested in. What can you do?