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Dec 3

Searching For An Honest Person

Posted on Tuesday, December 3, 2013 in Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

lonely_walkingI’m on a search.
A hunt.
I’m looking for an honest person.

I know…

I know I sound cynical, skeptical and maybe distrusting, but, well, I am. It’s one of the risks of the work I do. People, good people, trust me with the deep, dark parts of their lives.

Though I feel incredibly honored, respected and trusted, it also reminds me how often “honest people” can be various shades of dishonest depending in their circumstances.

I am…

Jul 1

Dishonesty: A Cultural Problem

Posted on Monday, July 1, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

1209081_city_people_at_sunset“Lying is a cooperative act…We’re against lying, but we’re covertly for it, in ways that our society has sanctioned for centuries and centuries.” That quote from Pamela Meyer validates my belief that honesty is counter-cultural.

Honesty is a culturally threatening; few people make it a constant choice. Lying is so prevalent that it’s counter-cultural to choose to be honest.

“On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to anywhere from 10 to 200 times. Now granted, many of those are white lies.”

“White lies”? Lying is so common we even have designations for lies.

Mar 6

Secrets: Our Hiding

Posted on Wednesday, March 6, 2013 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Values

hidenseekSecrets, we all have them.
Secrets, we all guard them.
Secrets, we all fear their exposure.

Yesterday I mentioned Josh Groban’s song Hidden Away.

If you haven’t had a chance to hear it, give it a listen. He opens the song with:

“Over mountains and sky blue seas
On great circles will you watch for me?
The sweetest feeling I’ve got inside
I just can’t wait to get lost in your eyes
And all these words that you meant to say
Held in silence day after day
Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave
Please don’t keep them hidden away”

Feb 20

Rebuilding After Relationship-Rot

Posted on Wednesday, February 20, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

crumbling_brickworkBad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

Feb 19

Dating Drama – Unstable Foundations

Posted on Tuesday, February 19, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

Broken_wall_texturesOften times when people contact me about their relationship problems it’s because their relationships were built on unstable foundations.

Let me explain, relationships, like buildings, need a firm and solid foundation including:
– Honesty
– Respect
– Kindness
– Thoughtfulness

Unfortunately, many relationships begin just the opposite:
– Dishonesty
– Suspicion
– Selfishness
– Greed

Oh, I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. Consider these four examples:

Example 1 – Because of deep-seated fears rooted after the loss of her mother at a young add she guards herself with dishonesty.

Dec 19

Real Friends Fight Dishonesty

Posted on Wednesday, December 19, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

Do you relate like you value honesty?

I guess it’s true what they say, you can’t trust anyone
Because no matter how much someone can mean to you
There isn’t anyone that you can find in life who hasn’t lied
Whether once or many times, it doesn’t matter
We all do it and we are all to blame
No one is perfect but is anyone really innocent?
We are people and we find ways to have our fun
Some are sick and twisted and get what they want
And some are just trying to be happy
And it’s true, we don’t think ahead… 1

Sep 27

Blunder

Posted on Thursday, September 27, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

This week we’re examining painful dating.  Tuesday’s For Crying Out Loud included  grief, loss, and the healing benefits of tears.  Wednesday included helpful hints for dealing with being dumped.

Blunders

Last night — at a party — a guy I’ve had a huge crush on told my best friend that he liked me too. This morning I sent him a text message telling him how excited I was. Before he replied I caught up to my best friend. She didn’t know what I was talking about. I dreamed it all, EXCEPT for the embarrassing text I really sent my crush.

Sep 26

Dumped

Posted on Wednesday, September 26, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

Crying, and crying out loud in our pain, makes sense when we get dumped.

Last night we watched an episode of the television show Big Bang Theory. Leonard professed his love to his girlfriend Penny. Taken off guard, the slow to trust, Penny didn’t reciprocate. One thing led to another and Leonard got dumped.

Later lonely-Leonard hung out with his friend Raj. Raj, like Leonard, was feeling lonely for love. Here was their exchange:

Leonard: Don’t worry. You’ll meet a girl someday.

Raj: No, I won’t.

Mar 29

Blinded By Fear

Posted on Thursday, March 29, 2012 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

 While driving through the mountains of Colorado more than once I felt afraid.  While there are times when fear is unwarranted, trying to drive along a road, without guardrails, with blind curves which with almost 180-degree turns, I felt the discomfort — my fear — was justified.

Some fears are justified, some not.  Sometimes we’re blinded by fear. 1

Blinded By Fear

Robert McGee has identified nine reactions — what I’m calling blind spots — people have when encumbered by a fear of failure. 

Yesterday I identified the first four reactions, here are the other five: