A warning: This post may contain hard things to read

Today’s tragic events in Boston bring many questions to my mind.
– Who’s hurt?
– Who’s helping?
– Who’s responsible?
– Who’s gonna capture the guilty?

And, inevitably, we cry out: Where is God?

I gave out my cell phone number to a new friend this week.

As soon as I shared my number I felt obligated to explain a few things:
– I don’t answer very often
– I don’t text back very quickly
– I don’t answer when I’m busy
– I don’t respond to people who call or text repeatedly

A few years ago I decided it was easier to explain this list of annoyances when I share my number than to have to make apologies.

All us us have to cope with the challenges of peer pressure. When we face peer pressure situations it helps to understand our motives.

Often we don’t let down the internal pressure because we feel that the expectations of others don’t let us — or at least that’s what we think.

We assume “making people happy” is a sign of being a good friend, when it really drives us to a dangerous place and perpetuates unreasonable expectations.

You have choices.
I have choices.

Choices

We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

Recently I sat among a group of people all of whom respected one another. We share some common goals. We share some common hopes and dreams. While we were discussing those goals and hopes and dreams, one person spoke up.

The room of people turned.
We looked and listened.

She is well-respected.
She is respect-worthy.
She has a very respected legacy.

She is a leader among leaders.

And, in this group of people:
When she spoke people listened.
When she led people followed.
When she thought out-loud people agreed.

And, when she had a misguided suggestion there was buy-in.

Yesterday was Easter.

In the scope of human history, obviously, the resurrection of Jesus Christ is a big deal, but I never really thought much about the forty days after the resurrection. Frankly, I thought it might be a bit of divine hide-and-seek before the ascension. 1

What’s Next?

Last year I read Leonard Sweet and Frank Viola’s book, “Jesus: The Theography“. Their take on those forty days was refreshing and enlightening:

This is how we know what real love is: Jesus gave his life for us. So we should give our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Suppose someone has enough to live and sees a brother or sister in need, but does not help. Then God’s love is not living in that person.

My children, we should love people not only with words and talk, but by our actions and true caring.

- 1 John 3:16-18, NCV

Last night as I sat in a TreeHouse support group I sat in awe.

There surrounded by junior high teens I found myself grateful for their patient listening, gracious sharing and genuine compassion.

Most of the teens in my small group had been part of TreeHouse only a few weeks, yet directly and indirectly each teen reminded the other that “this is a safe place.”

Safe places are too few and far between. Those safe places, cared for and nurtured by safe people are safe harbors for the strong and the able, the weak and the wounded, and the lost and the wandering.

Dealing with our own junk is hard work.

Chuck Swindoll wrote a book entitled Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back. That’s not a lot of forward progress!

But, it’s often the path my spiritual growth takes, on the good days.

The Dance Of The Wrecks

“For a thousand years, Christians did a dance called the tripudium to many of their hymns. As worshipers sang, they would lock arms and take three steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, one step back.”

Far too often when I feel that I am making progress my own propensity for old patterns and choices arises.

Not sure you know what I mean?

Have you had a Snickers instead of salad when you were hoping to eat more healthy?

Were you praying for patience and cursing out other drivers?

Were you still smarting from some ill-timed words when you assumed someone “gave you a look”? Only to find out they meant nothing by it!

Most of us are unwilling to be accountable. Too often we highlight the wrongs of others and dismiss or justify our own.

Bad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.