What is INTEGRITY?

Integrity, according to dictionary.com means, “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.”

I following through consistently on true beliefs and healthy values.

I cannot begin to think through what a mangled mess “integrity” can be.

Who decides what’s true/truth?
What value are beliefs? How about facts?
And, for that matter, whose beliefs?
Who determines what and whose values are healthy?
And, what value are values?
Do some values have precedence over other values?

We watch the presidential debates.
We try to make wise decisions who we choose as leaders.

We watch him.
We watch her.
We try to make wise decisions who we date and marry.

We wonder, “Who are you?”
And, “Are you the right one?”

People are asking the same things about us.

Who Are You?

Jesus Christ answered that question for anyone who would listen and learn, “You, beloved, are the salt of the earth…and you, beloved, are the light of the world. Let your light shine everywhere you go, that you may illumine creation, so men and women everywhere may see your good actions, may see creation at its fullest, may see your devotion to Me, and may turn and praise your Father in heaven because of it.” 1

William Wilberforce — as mentioned yesterday — was a bold, but peculiar man, who changed the world.

William Wilberforce was also featured in the movie Amazing Grace. It’s a powerful film that reveals the tension that Wilberforce faced in his personal and public life.

People who step forward or step “out of line” face that tension. 

– Teens who stand up against bullies are often threatened themselves.
– Entrepreneurs who market boldly are often ostracized by their competition.
– Excited parents are glared at when they cheer for their daughter or son at sporting events.
– Weather forecasters are often derided when their forecasts are mistaken.
– Fans who cheer too loudly at sporting events can be shouted down.

I’m fascinated by people.

As often as people seem to fall into common patterns, their preferences can be incredibly diverse.

Do we like diversity?  Is Paula Abdul right, and Opposites Attract? 

Weird?

The journal Evolutionary Psychology, asked 760 members of an online dating site if they would prefer someone like them or if they would like someone different than them. 85.7% of participants claim to want someone who has their opposite traits.

Then they were asked if they most wanted a partner that complemented them, or resembled them.

Dating difficulties drag us down.  Whether it’s crying our way through a painful breakup, dealing with being dumped, or coping with the obvious sense  that we’ve blundered, blown it and need to move on, they all drag us down.

Dragged Down

Maybe you don’t have dating drama.  Maybe you’re jealous of the cute girl in the next cubicle, the muscular guy in the seat next to you, or the smart girl who always has the right answer.

Maybe you’re an unemployed NFL referee whose mistakes were played over and over on national TV. 

This week we’re examining painful dating.  Tuesday’s For Crying Out Loud included  grief, loss, and the healing benefits of tears.  Wednesday included helpful hints for dealing with being dumped.

Blunders

“Last night — at a party — a guy I’ve had a huge crush on told my best friend that he liked me too. This morning I sent him a text message telling him how excited I was. Before he replied I caught up to my best friend. She didn’t know what I was talking about. I dreamed it all, EXCEPT for the embarrassing text I really sent my crush.“

Crying, and crying out loud in our pain, makes sense when we get dumped.

Last night we watched an episode of the television show Big Bang Theory. Leonard professed his love to his girlfriend Penny. Taken off guard, the slow to trust, Penny didn’t reciprocate. One thing led to another and Leonard got dumped.

Later lonely-Leonard hung out with his friend Raj. Raj, like Leonard, was feeling lonely for love. Here was their exchange:

Leonard: Don’t worry. You’ll meet a girl someday.

Raj: No, I won’t.

Yesterday my co-worker Ash and I spoke at Champlin Park High School. (If you’re from CPHS, thanks for joining us again today on mysilentscream!)

As we talked about self-esteem I told a story of a particularly painful dating heartbreak.

After the breakup, all night long that night I played Meat Loaf’s album Bat Out Of Hell. In particular, I played “For Crying Out Loud“ over, and over, and over again.

And crying I did. At the time I couldn’t help myself. What I didn’t know at the time is how beneficial crying can be.

June 13, 1986 

She was way, way out of my league.
She was kind, thoughtful, sweet, talented, listened to me, and she liked me.
As far as I could tell, she loved me.
Oh, and she was HOT!
I was clueless what love entailed, but I knew I wanted to love Amy.
I also knew I didn’t want to live without her.
Not that I couldn’t live without her, but I didn’t want to.
So, on one knee, in the living room of the house she lived in I proposed.
She laughed, thinking I was kidding.
I wasn’t. I had no ring because I didn’t want to choose the wrong one.
Then we embraced.

I want to start a petition so Twitter.com offers a one-time-use 313 character exception!

On Twitter I follow family and friends, athletes and musicians, world-changers, and beat writers, but nothing, nothing, nothing has made me wanna tweet and re-tweet more than this:

“Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.” 1