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Dec 7

Choices Often Make Sense … At The Time

Posted on Friday, December 7, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Values

What do you do when you have one agenda, and someone else has another, but you’re supposed to be “on the same page”?

Your parent may be right.
Your parent may be wrong.
Your teen may be realistic.
Your teen may be deluded.

One principle helps me make sense of other people — even very smart people — who make stupid choices.

The principle: Most people do what they believe makes sense.

This weekend teens  will:
– Lie to their parents about where they are going
– Lie to their parents about what they will be doing
– Lie to their parents about where they will spend the night
– Lie to their parents about who they will be with

Apr 4

Wednesday Wounds

Posted on Wednesday, April 4, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, TreeHouse, Values

Tuesday, yeah, that’s when things didn’t go so well!

I’ve led hundreds and hundreds of support groups. They’re a regular part of my schedule and one of the joys of my week. Most nights are great.

That night something was weird at TreeHouse!

It Started Bad

Several teens were mad at me. Why?  My responsibility was to create a safe, supportive atmosphere.  Support groups with eight teens are common.  That night teens split up into a group of eight, a group of twelve, and a group of five.  

May 13

Helping The Hopeless

Posted on Friday, May 13, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational

QUESTION: My friend/daughter/son/lover feels hopeless and wishes he/she was dead. What can I do?


1 – If you believe that this is an emergency: Call 911

2 – If you think that there is immediate risk:
Have they thought about suicide recently?
Does he/she have a plan?
Does he/she have the means immediately accessible to carry out their plan there?
Is there anyone else in the home (or wherever their location)?
Call 911

3 – If you feel concerned and want to offer helpful help, here’s help:

May 12

Help For The Hopeless

Posted on Thursday, May 12, 2011 in Relational, Values


QUESTION: I feel hopeless. I wish I were dead. No one cares. What can I do?

OUR REPLY: “I would call Love Lines at 612-379-1199 or the Suicide Prevention Center 612-347-2222 they specialize in helping people with suicidal thoughts 24/7/365.

May 11

Wounding Yourself After Being Wounded

Posted on Wednesday, May 11, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational


THE QUESTION: Our son’s girlfriend broke up with him about a year ago. He doesn’t show any signs moving on with his life. He cuts on his arm. It looks so awful. He doesn’t date. What can I do with him?

OUR REPLY: “The breakup of a relationship is almost always very painful to at least one partner, and you did the right thing by looking for help. God does care very deeply about your son, and God doesn’t want him to spend the rest of his life believing something about himself that isn’t true. He has a right to grieve. He will get through this painful time. Remind him that you care and that he does not have to go through his grief alone.”

May 10

Relapse, Slipping, Backsliding & Other Backbreakers

Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2011 in Emotional, Relational, Spiritual

I’m Afraid Of A Relapse!

THE QUESTION: Last week, my daughter was released to go home from the psych ward. After she got depressed, she cut herself. I was afraid that she’d try to commit suicide. How do I know he/she won’t slide back into this again?

OUR REPLY: “Don’t focus on what might happen (but probably won’t); focus instead on things that affirm your future and guide your eyes toward hopefulness. You can both set and achieve short-term goals and remember to focus your attention on the positive things that you have in your lives.”

May 9

Living Afraid. “They Will All…”

Posted on Monday, May 9, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social

May 3rd I quoted Randy Alcorn, “You are a special creation of a good and all powerful God. You are the climax of his creation, the magnum opus of the greatest artist in the universe. You are created in His image, with capacities to think, feel, and worship that set you above all other life forms. You differ from the animals not simply in degree, but in kind.

Not only is your kind unique, but you are unique among your kind. God has masterminded the exact combination of DNA and chromosomes that constitute your genetic code, making you as different from all others as every snowflake differs from the rest.”

May 6

I Can’t & Other Lies

Posted on Friday, May 6, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social

Why do cutters cut?  There are many reasons.  Many cutters have a fear of stopping.  They feel incapable of dealing with deeper forms of pain without cutting.

Shana Schutte, writing for Focus On The Family, quoted her college roommate, “People who haven’t cut can’t understand how it can make you feel better… but it does. It’s like bursting a huge bubble,” she said. “You feel like you are going to explode and you don’t know what to do with the emotional pain. When you cut, there is a kind of release or freedom in it. Then, it’s like an emotional high. You release all this pain that’s been building and building. Like any addiction, it’s a coping mechanism.”

May 5

Overcoming The Fear Of Being Exposed

Posted on Thursday, May 5, 2011 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Values

Overcoming the fear of being exposed is one of the keys to breaking the bondage of the tricks and lies about cutting.

The Fear Of Exposure Perverts Our Thinking

“Psychologist Larry Crabb says that the primary motivation for all of our social behavior is a fear that if others really knew us as we are, they would reject us in disgust. This fear of exposure is rooted in our sense of the ugliness of our fallen natures as they have been perverted and corrupted by sin. Satan delights in inflaming this fear…”

May 4

Stop Fearing The Unknown

Posted on Wednesday, May 4, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Values

Why do people cut?  There are many reasons.  One reason is the fear of the unknown.  He cut because he is afraid.  She continues to cut because she knows the subtle benefits that prompted her to begin cutting initially.  She’s afraid to stop.  He fears that if he stops cutting he may make his life worse.

What they don’t know seems scarier than their present level of pain or anxiety.

People want to feel safe.  We want to feel secure.  We prefer control.  We resist change.

Why People Resist Change