Two teens on two Tuesdays.
They made opposite decisions.
They experienced different outcomes.

One

A feared gang leader sauntered into the room.
He looked nervous, but none of the teens in the room saw it.
They saw “him.”
They froze.

TreeHouse is an incredibly safe place.
Suddenly, for them, it felt unsafe.

I knew the reaction.
I didn’t know him.

He was required to be there.
He stayed ten minutes and left.
I followed, hoping we could have a conversation another day.
He didn’t stop.
He didn’t speak.
I never saw him again.
Sadly, he was killed in a gang-related incident within a year.

While watching footage of the recent Boston Marathon, I, like you, felt shock and awe watching brave people run toward the scared and injured. I felt humbled by their bravery. Josh Groban wrote a wonderful song about being brave.

Josh Groban – Brave

Wake up, wake up, the sun cannot wait for long
Reach out, reach out before it fades away
You will find the warmth when you surrender
Smile into the fear and let it play

Josh Groban’s song False Alarms is about a dating relationship, but the feelings he’s feeling can also apply to other relationships where there have been hurt feelings.

False Alarms

Far across this red horizon
I am walking down the line
I am picking up the pieces
That this storm has left behind

After all the clouds are fallen
I would breach the battered ground
Turn your darkness into light love
Turn your silence into sound

But I can’t cage you in my arms
When my heart is jumping forward
To avoid your false alarms
And you can’t tell me not to stay
When I opened up your window
And I watched you fly away

I gave out my cell phone number to a new friend this week.

As soon as I shared my number I felt obligated to explain a few things:
– I don’t answer very often
– I don’t text back very quickly
– I don’t answer when I’m busy
– I don’t respond to people who call or text repeatedly

A few years ago I decided it was easier to explain this list of annoyances when I share my number than to have to make apologies.

Why is it so hard to cope with peer pressure?

Why does peer pressure cause us so much stress whether it’s in a school lunchroom, a college dorm or a corporate board room.

Why? There are many reason. Steve Stephens wrote a brief, yet insightful list explaining why friendships are important to us; even those who are just coworkers. .

Why Friends Are Important by Dr. Steve Stephens

They laugh with us
They cry with us
They build memories with us
They stand beside us
They confront us
They believe the best in us
They help us grow
They keep us from temptation
They make our lives better

For many of us, “No” is the first word that we spoke.

And, we heard it throughout our childhood:
“No, you can’t do that.”
“No, you’re not old enough.”
“No, you’re not big enough.”

As we got older people used “No” as a weapon:
“No, you’re not pretty enough.”
“No, you’re not smart enough.”
“No, you’re not good enough.”

“No” can protect.
“No” can push away.

Push-Away Politely

Scenarios: You are – asked out, flirted with, asked to dance, offered a drink, etc. – by someone you’re not interested in. What can you do?

You know what I’m talking about here, but let’s go there.

He’s a friendly guy, but when he’s dating someone he seems extra friendly.

The truth is he’s feeling safe and self-confident because his current relationship is boosting his self-esteem, but he doesn’t know that, he just feels like “every girl likes him.”

And, you’re one of them.

It starts with a smile. Another.
A longer look.

He gets your number.
You had his # for a while, but never texted him: Off Limits

He texted: Hey! (Guys can be so bold, hah!)
You reply.
Back and forth, just the news, and then:

My friend and co-worker at TreeHouse LeAndra Williams has a great spin on friendship. So, LeAndra, take it away!

“After many years and different friendships I have come to a place in my life to recognize helpful and hurtful friends. I have had the privilege to experience both.”

Lee, what have you learned?

“The first step to recognize if you have helpful or hurtful friend is to see which category your friend fits in. Friends are usually in one of these categories. A friend is either an Adder, a Subtracter, a Multiplier, or a Divider.”

Let me explain:

Need a jump-start for your character?

Try forgiveness.

Forgive Yourself and Forgive Others.

There are three common possibilities after conflict occurs:
– Conflict escalates
– Conflict goes underground
– Conflict is resolved constructively

So often when we screw up we respond one of three ways:
– Defend
– Deflect or Deny
– Deal with it

Fortunately, our perspective does not limit God’s perspective.

Twenty years ago as I was working through some of my unresolved anger I saw The Anger Workbook by Les Carter and Frank Minirth on a book shelf. 

This book’s insights, probing questions and the subsequent dialogues that followed certainly contributed to my healing.  In turn, I have shared insights from this book with several people.

Fortunately, for all of us this book has been re-released.  

Carter and Minirth explain their Thirteen Steps Toward Anger Management:

Step 1. Learn to recognize the many faces of anger.

Step 2. Admit that all angry expressions, good or bad, are the result of choices.