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May 11

Mothers Day Apologies You Might Need

Posted on Sunday, May 11, 2014 in Emotional, Relational, Spiritual, Values

mother-sonI don’t know what to say.

I don’t want to say it wrong.”

I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard those two phrases. I even color-coded them, because most often I’ve heard girls and women say the second, and boys and men say the first.

Why? Hurt people hurt people.

Regardless what your mother has said or done, intentionally or not, with genuine love, misguided “love” or with hate in her heart, her choices are her choices, her attitudes are her attitudes. And, yours are yours.

Do not try to change the other person, the change starts with ourselves.

Jun 26

Enemies of Empathy

Posted on Wednesday, June 26, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

1064361_golf_ball “Fore!”

Golfers yell “fore” when he or she hits a shot that might strike another golfer on the course. In fact, it is every golfer’s responsibility to watch carefully after hitting a shot to make sure another golfer is not in danger.

“Fore!”

Unfortunately, I’ve had to shout “Fore!” more than once.
Sometimes it’s just a warning.
Other times it’s imminent danger.

To me and you: “Fore!” “My friends, watch out!” 1

Watch Out?

I’ve spent the last year thinking through myself. I am trying to notice, to watch:
– What am I doing?
– Why am I doing it?
– Who’s watching?
– Am I living and acting like someone I would admire?

Jun 25

Learn Empathy

Posted on Tuesday, June 25, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

praying66955_640

 

People Challenges

My first year at TreeHouse was challenging. During that first year I quickly realized that despite an excellent education, wise mentors and patient supervision that I was unprepared.
– Unprepared for the pain I would see
– Unprepared for the emotions people would express
– Unprepared for the evil “loved ones” would perpetrate
– Unprepared for the diverse values, motives and philosophies of life

People, caring about people, is challenging.

Learn Empathy

Every emotionally healthy person can learn empathy. We can all develop what google.com called our “ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” 1

Jun 24

Do You Care?

Posted on Monday, June 24, 2013 in Education, Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

girlsafrican-14113_640Almost every day someone asks me to help them with a relationship concern.
– What’s her problem?
– What can I do?
– What’s he thinking?
– How should I explain…

Most people are looking for a solution.

I’ve found one. I’ve found empathy improves all of my relationships.

What’s Empathy?

According to brittanica.com empathy is “the ability to imagine oneself in another’s place and understand the other’s feelings, desires, ideas, and actions.” 1

Jun 18

Peacemaker

Posted on Tuesday, June 18, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

0imagesDonald Miller’s post yesterday entitled, “Learning to Turn the Other Cheek (Even Though I HATE Critics)” got me thinking, “How would I respond to attacks?” I assumed I would respond defensively and with self-pity.

Jesus

Blessed are the peacemakers…Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness.“1

Last night as I read Philip Yancey’s book The Jesus I Never Knew about those verses this account challenged my thinking.

Jan 10

Just Faking It

Posted on Thursday, January 10, 2013 in Emotional, Relational, Social, Values

This past weekend I was in a conversation with a group of people about when they received their first pair of glasses. I received my first pair of glasses in second grade. I couldn’t read the blackboard in school very well.

One person said third grade.
Another said fifth grade.
A fourth person said, “in junior high.”

“Really?”, I asked.
He added, “Well, I needed them years before, but I was just faking it.”

Just Faking It

Ah, just faking it.

Too often we fake reality wishing it was different, when it’s not.

Nov 21

Compassion & Generosity

Posted on Wednesday, November 21, 2012 in Emotional, Financial, Relational, Social, Values

As I was approaching fifty years old I sought the wisdom of my elders. I sought out men and women older than I was to learn lessons on life that they had been learning.

Monday I began a series entitled A Treasure Chest Of Wisdom. 

The first lesson the wise would teach us is Don’t Hold Grudges
The second lesson was Take Care Of Your Health.

Compassion Makes Sense

Compassion is more important than pleasure. Many people intentionally blind themselves to the needs of others. When I didn’t listen to my mom my mom would call it “selective listening.”

Nov 19

A Treasure Chest Of Wisdom – Don’t Hold Grudges

Posted on Monday, November 19, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values

As I was approaching fifty years old I sought the wisdom of my elders.  I sought out men and women older than I was to learn lessons on life that they had been learning.

I would ask: 

I know that you have spent your career with men and women older than yourself. In that time you have listened and learned as they’ve talked about their lives and their values. You have gathered insights and wisdom from their successes and their failures.

This year I’m turning 50 and I’m starting to feel middle-aged. I don’t know how old you are, but I know you’ve learned from those older than us.

Nov 13

Fess Up!

Posted on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Spiritual, Values

This weekend at Anika’s baby dedication we shared parenting advice with the new parents Angi & Aaron.

My wife Amy said, “If you mess up, fess up.” 

She elaborated, “when you make mistakes admit them.”

Unfortunately, Amy learned that lesson from my…umm…from me.

You see, I’ve had to fess up a lot.

When I Mismanage My Life I Neglect My Highest Priorities

When I have mismanaged my life it’s my wife and God who get cheated. Sadly, I take for granted those who love me the most. I haven’t rejected my faith in God, I’ve just gotten so busy that I have not included God in my thoughts, feelings and plans as often as I would prefer.

Oct 30

Batman, Superman & Perspective

Posted on Tuesday, October 30, 2012 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Reviews, Social, Values

“If you support _____ immediately delete me.”

That was posted on Facebook, tweeted and repeated passionately in the last few weeks leading up to our national election.

It’s interesting how much anger and vitriol arises during election years.

I see it everywhere.

Even among comic book readers.

At the risk of alienating fans of other fans I’m only going to refer to two set of loyalists, the Batman and the Superman fans.

Recently I read a graphic novel called Trinity by Matt Wagner featuring Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman. In the Trinity there is a conversation between Wonder Woman and Superman about Batman.