All us us have to cope with the challenges of peer pressure. When we face peer pressure situations it helps to understand our motives.

Often we don’t let down the internal pressure because we feel that the expectations of others don’t let us — or at least that’s what we think.

We assume “making people happy” is a sign of being a good friend, when it really drives us to a dangerous place and perpetuates unreasonable expectations.

You have choices.
I have choices.

Choices

We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

Why is it so hard to cope with peer pressure?

Why does peer pressure cause us so much stress whether it’s in a school lunchroom, a college dorm or a corporate board room.

Why? There are many reason. Steve Stephens wrote a brief, yet insightful list explaining why friendships are important to us; even those who are just coworkers. .

Why Friends Are Important by Dr. Steve Stephens

They laugh with us
They cry with us
They build memories with us
They stand beside us
They confront us
They believe the best in us
They help us grow
They keep us from temptation
They make our lives better

Recently I sat among a group of people all of whom respected one another. We share some common goals. We share some common hopes and dreams. While we were discussing those goals and hopes and dreams, one person spoke up.

The room of people turned.
We looked and listened.

She is well-respected.
She is respect-worthy.
She has a very respected legacy.

She is a leader among leaders.

And, in this group of people:
When she spoke people listened.
When she led people followed.
When she thought out-loud people agreed.

And, when she had a misguided suggestion there was buy-in.

Prompted by my reading of Quiet by Susan Cain, this week we’ve explored introverts and extroverts their distinctive and their qualities. Including:

I Buy Coffee

An Introvert?!?

Introvert’s Confusion

And, Are YOU An Introvert or Extrovert?

Whether you’re a parent, a brother or sister, an aunt, uncle or neighbor, you know children. And, if you’re like me, quiet children can be a mystery.

Today, I’d like to let Susan Cain’s insights on introvert children speak for themselves. Oh, wait – let me say this first – my favorite quote from her about children is: “Don’t just accept your child for who she is; treasure her.”

Are You An Introvert or Extrovert (And Why Does It Matter)?

Do you ever wonder where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum?
Here is the place to assess yourself.

This quiz from Susan Cain’s QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking will help you self-assess.

I love my family.
I love my friends.

I love spending time with them, most of the time.

Being an introvert with “a big heart” fills me with tension. 1

I Love People BUT…

I like working on projects alone.
I feel guilty when I would prefer not going to brainstorming meetings.

I like working “alone” in coffee shops…
… surrounded by people I don’t talk to.

I would rather tweet than chat.
I would rather text than talk on the phone.

I’m an introvert with an extrovert’s job.

I’m an introvert with an extrovert’s personality.

Most people who see me work, especially when I’m teaching, would have no idea I am an introvert. 1
– I’m loud
– I’m funny
– I’m dramatic
– I’m engaging
– I usually teach dialogically
– I pursue relationships with others

And, I’m an introvert.

Back to the door
Laptop on the table

Earphones in my ears
Music playing

If I sit in this coffee shop for more than an hour I’ll watch people come and go.
– Maybe I’ll smile at them
– Maybe I’ll nod a hello
Usually we’re silent strangers.

A couple of minutes ago two guys sat at the table behind me.
I knew that they were there three feet away.
I barely even looked their way.

It’s an interesting bubble of space: being close to strangers.

Bubble-Burst

My music stopped
I heard my neighbors talking
They’re planning the Mayor’s Prayer Breakfast

Monday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion, followed by Silently Express Your Compassion.

I would argue that undermost circumstances when we express compassion we are better to be silent that to talk too much.

It’s important to listen patiently without an agenda.
And, to listen compassionately without judgment.

We all need to listen patiently, graciously and sensitively; seeking neither to give advice nor to fix people.

Sometimes we do need to speak up. It’s a challenge to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

Yesterday How To Express Your Compassion began a series on compassion borne out of pain.

Let me back up a step. For more than twenty years I have struggled to provide caring support for those in need.

You see, I’m a head-guy, more than a heart-guy.

As a cerebral-thinker it’s been a challenge to fit the deep emotional pain of people in pain within my worldview. It’s hard sometimes. Naturally I want to:
– Assess
– Fix
– Mind-map
– Problem-solve
– Trace things back to their origin

I want to manage, measure, navigate, unravel and diagnose.