This is a picture of my friends Tiffany and Barry. I’ll see Barry next month. I last saw Tif in 1991.

Tiffany, Kris, Jenny, Eric, Rajjon, Adam, John, Beng, and Tyler, all TreeHouse teens. All gone. Way too soon.

Life Is Short

This is post is part of a series entitled “10 for 25.” It’s about ten lessons – most of them hard lessons to learn – that I’ve learned over my twenty-five years at TreeHouse.

Life is short. Our time with loved ones is never guaranteed.

If you felt overwhelmed, not good enough and unqualified you might wonder, “Why am I here?”  That struggle, and the other lessons I’ve learned over the past twenty-five years at TreeHouse are part of this series called “10 for 25.”

Why Am I Here?

When we feel out of place, it helps to find out what we are qualified to contribute. My StrengthsQuest assessment explained, “Your Individualization theme leads you to be intrigued by the unique qualities of each person.” Yes, I am.

“You are impatient with generalizations or “types” because you don’t want to obscure what is special and distinct about each person.” So true!

Almost every week I hear someone say, “she made me…” or “he made me…” as if they could.

Without a doubt we influence one another, but far too often we justify bad attitudes and hurtful responses because of the attitudes and decisions of others.

This week when tempers flare during your holiday gatherings here are three strategies to drop the drama:

1. Choose to use a soft voice.

“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.“ 1

Regardless what the other person chooses you can chose a soft and kind tone in your voice.

Gender bashing
Culture clashing

Voices
Cascading
Even louder
Like crashing symbols

Yelling
Screaming
Stammering
Clawing for attention

No!
You’re wrong!
That’s $%^&&*&* up!

Listen!
Point made
Counterpoint

Last night I had the hardest support group I’ve led in more than ten years. Teens yelling, screaming, not listening to one another nearly enough.

At TreeHouse teens learn that they are not alone in dealing with any issue. There is always someone who can relate to what is going on in another group member’s life. Teens learn how to support someone else in need. They are reminded that they are lovable, capable and worthwhile. TreeHouse support groups become a place where youth know that they will always be listened to and that what they say matters to others.

Angry teens.
Parents in pain.
Explosive children.
Perplexed neighbors.

What can we do?

Every child I’ve met wants to be affirmed that they are lovable, capable and worthwhile.

We can start there.

12 Ways To Encourage A Child (Ages 0-118)

“You Are Lovable!”: Give attention to their character.
– Who they are has greater value than what they achieve.
– Accept mistakes; show grace.
– Bad decisions, poor choices and mistakes can be great teachers.
– Offer unconditional love. Trust can be conditional, love cannot.

“You Are Capable!”

If every time you looked in the mirror you saw someone different looking at you at would add to your stress too.

Mirror

The process of adolescence is complex and unpredictable. The young person experiences physical changes that catapult their childish frame into that of an adult. The intellect intensifies to form logical patterns of thinking and begins to formulate future plans. The teen also struggles to form an identity separate from that of a child or a mature adult. Meanwhile, the teen is faced with issues of morality and must make critical decisions about sex, drugs, and other social behaviors.

Our Story

It’s heartbreaking to see people in pain. It’s perplexing to hear of loved ones who hurt one another.

Most people try to help not hurt. Most people look for solutions not problems, but  too often the solutions slam one another.

“Good people” gossip.
“Kind-hearted” people talk behind backs.
“Loving” people SCREAM angrily!

Foolish, hurtful solutions to initiate change.

“And so, each of us must give an account to God for what we do…Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.” 1

I’m watching a television show this week called, “An Idiot Abroad.” It’s an odd and somewhat awkward travel show “hosted” – I use that word loosely – by Karl Pilkington.

In the first three episodes Karl travels to China, India, Israel and Jordan. He visits tourist centers and rural outposts while assigned by the show’s producers to visit The 7 Wonders of the World.

Wonder

While traveling Karl comments freely on his personal inconveniences. He talks at length about his troublesome circumstances and his feelings.

“Love you gorgeous, I’ll be in there in ten minutes.”

It’s 2:00 A.M.  I just said that as Amy woke from her late night nap and staggered off to bed. I’ve said similar things hundreds of times.

Quirks

Schedules: Since we were married 27 years ago today I have gone to sleep second 98% of the time. Often times I am last to sleep and first one awake. We have almost always had different schedules.

“Spring Cleaning.”

What came to mind when you saw those words?

A celebration of the end of winter, a chore you dread, attacking chaos, creating order, an invitation to newness or a time to prep for a garage sale, or something else?

Maybe spring cleaning was just something other people did.

Bringing spring cleaning into our family culture is one of my wife’s wonderful contributions to our “team.” As Amy describes it, spring cleaning goes beyond the daily and weekly routines to deep clean.

Spring Cleaning