While it’s true that love can happen anywhere, there are standards and expectations that provide an environment in which a healthy community grows.

As I wrote yesterday, “every week as I sit in our TreeHouse support groups I am in awe. Teens find hope amid their hurt, faith amid their fears, and love despite their pangs of loneliness…I wish everyone had a community like that.”

I Wish We Did Too

As my friend Hudson pointed out tonight, the following list is a wish list — Imagine If… — based on hopes and dreams. While some of them are possible, and others are measurable, there are on the list that are almost fantasies; but, still we reach and stretch for more.

“What Matters Most: How We Got the Point but Missed the Person” is a reprint of a 2004 book, entitled “Out of the Question…Into the Mystery.”

That said, this is a powerful book that needed to be re-considered for an audience, myself included, that missed it when it was first released.

“Belief can exist in isolation, but faith requires a relationship.” For without dynamic, engaging deep relationships — relationship with Jesus and then relationship with people — we cannot demonstrate love.

I drove to see my parents this week.  While visiting them I attended a bible study that my father attends.  Among the participants were four retired pastors and several other grandfatherly men. 

Five things were clear as I spent the morning reading, listening, talking and eating with these men:

- They are men with the same feelings as the young men I’ve worked with, just different life experiences.

- They felt safe and were willing to share their knowledge, wisdom, pains and sorrows. 

- You would never know who the three pastors were.  There was not one trace of “I know more than you do.”

I’ve been confronted by several people that I respect recently. Whether I want it to or not, confrontation can tear at, or even trample, my self-identity.

One person suggested that I sounded like I thought that I knew more than other people and “if only they knew what I knew then they would be okay.”  I hate when I’ve been condescending. 

I’ve also been confronted that I seem intimidated around people who are wealthier than me; and they are right.

Self-Doubt Sunday

I’m a man.  Of the clan “men.”  I love going to church.

That said, Murrow’s title was compelling.  Here’s what I learned.

Here are his chapter titles and my brief summaries:

PART 1: WHERE ARE THE MEN?

1. Perfectly Designed – The church needs a re-design to open doors to men.
2. Yes, There Really Is a Gender Gap – And, it’s increasing worldwide
3. Men: Who Needs ’Em? – We do they bring balance, energy and drive
4. Who Are the Missing Men? – They’re getting “results” somewhere.
5. The Masculinity Bank – A typical man won’t do something he believes is feminine.
6. The Two Jesuses – We’re taught God’s meekness we no longer fear his wrath.

Healthy role models break the cycle of shame. 

They emotionally and spiritually empower healthy communities.

How can you recognize a safe, healthy church, synagogue, workplace or family?

Here are ten attributes of healthy communities:

Feel empathy
Exude warmth
Demonstrate genuineness
Are emotionally stable
Are caring & supportive
Promote and practice honesty
Have appropriate expectations
Maintain respectful boundaries
Persevere through inevitable relationship challenges
And, love one another