If you’re like me when I want to get to my destination delays annoy me.

I feel embarrassed how often I’ve heartlessly passed wrecks on the road and felt annoyed.

People had their lives altered, perhaps injured or worse, and I’m just glad I can move on with my day.

God challenges us to “be kind and merciful to one another.” 1

God challenges me to be less self-centered!

Wrecks On Our Road

We might not have a chance to stop for a motorist, but will we stop to listen?

While it’s true that love can happen anywhere, there are standards and expectations that provide an environment in which a healthy community grows.

As I wrote yesterday, “every week as I sit in our TreeHouse support groups I am in awe. Teens find hope amid their hurt, faith amid their fears, and love despite their pangs of loneliness…I wish everyone had a community like that.”

I Wish We Did Too

As my friend Hudson pointed out tonight, the following list is a wish list — Imagine If… — based on hopes and dreams. While some of them are possible, and others are measurable, there are on the list that are almost fantasies; but, still we reach and stretch for more.

In my fourth in a series on helping our child, lover or friend open up today we’re examining our tendency to give advice.

Maybe it’s just my problem,

Maybe I’m the only one reading these words who thinks “I know” better, who knows “what’s going on”, who can “see more clearly” than anyone else can, and who realized “what this is going to lead to”, but, probably not.

Monday I warned you about 9 Consequences Of Not Listening.

Yesterday I introduced you to 8 Benefits Of Asking Questions Instead Of Demanding To Be Heard.

Today let me expand on those 8 benefits for parents, lovers and friends.

Note – While I color-coded for parents, lovers and friends, the suggestions are not exclusively for those groups.

Questions help us understand the problem from another perspective.
Parents – You’ll take a step back from your worry-place.
Lovers – You’ll maintain your commitment to togetherness.
Friends – You’ll contribute to the brainstorming.

When people listen, really listen, great things happen.

Listening is a skill.

When people utilize attentive listening skills great things can happen: 
– I’ve seen crises averted when people utilized attentive listening skills.
– I’ve seen tensions diminished when people utilized attentive listening skills.
– I’ve seen stressful relationships healed when people utilized attentive listening skills.
And, you’ve seen it too.

Unfortunately, when people don’t utilized attentive listening skills bad things can happen.
– I’ve seen “blind people” perpetuate lies.
– I’ve seen “deaf people” shut down conversations.
– I’ve seen “dumb people” drag others down.
And, you’ve seen it too.

Julian Treasure guided the audience at a recent TED.com conference in the art of listening.  I loved it; here are my excerpts.  The video is here.

“…we’re losing our listening. Why did I say that? Well there are a lot of reasons for this.

First of all, we invented ways of recording — first writing, then audio recording and now video recording as well. The premium on accurate and careful listening has simply disappeared.

Secondly, the world is now so noisy…it’s just hard to listen; it’s tiring to listen. Many people take refuge in headphones, but … in this scenario, nobody’s listening to anybody.

Author Sheila Walsh believes that we should know that God “calls broken people not only to place their faith in Him, despite the darkness, but also to dare to reach beyond themselves and, through faith, bring the healing, loving touch of Christ to other hurting men and women.”

She writes for those of us who “have struggled with admitting to myself and others I’m broken.” And those of us who add, “I know I’m broken, but have struggled with how to deal with it.”