My friend and co-worker at TreeHouse LeAndra Williams has a great spin on friendship. So, LeAndra, take it away!

“After many years and different friendships I have come to a place in my life to recognize helpful and hurtful friends. I have had the privilege to experience both.”

Lee, what have you learned?

“The first step to recognize if you have helpful or hurtful friend is to see which category your friend fits in. Friends are usually in one of these categories. A friend is either an Adder, a Subtracter, a Multiplier, or a Divider.”

Let me explain:

When did your parents say nice things to you and about you? How did you feel? Or, sadly, maybe you can’t think of a time when you parents gave you positive attention.

Robert McGee wrote, “Every rejection reminded me that as a child I had never experienced the love from my father that I wanted–that I deserved.”

“When father/child relationships become seriously distorted, children lose perspective. They cease to feel valued and valuable. Having learned that more is required than merely being, children soon turn to doing by trying to behave in a way that pleases the parent.”

Because the trajectory of our lives is affected by our relationship with our fathers it must be examined. When our relationship with our dad has left wounds and scars, our “father hunger” needs attention.

Try to be honest, do you feel a sense of loss when you think of your relationship with your father? If so, how do you cope with that loss?

Grief, Loss & Father Hunger

Susan Berger is a researcher studying the grief and loss of others:
– She interviewed hundreds of people
– She studied how they have been able to move on after the death of a loved one.

Monday I proposed that what comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

Yesterday I supported my opinion that “father hunger” affects us deeply.  Many people have a void inside them that is due to “father hunger,” and this disguised hunger has had great impact on the way they live.

I finished by asking four questions:

How hungry am I?
How hungry are you?
Do you know someone starving?
How would we know?

Emotional Signs of Father Hunger

Yesterday I proposed that what comes to mind when we think of our dad, our father, and our father figures, contributes to the trajectory of our lives.

SUPPORTIVE Perspectives

Here are four philosophical perspectives that supportive my position.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.
– Sigmund Freud

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.
– Carl Jung

The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering.
– Benjamin Spock

When I was thirteen I was held underwater by a gym-class bullies.  As much as I struggled and fought to break free I couldn’t.  I wrote about my experience with the fear of drowning here. 

It’s been more than twenty-five years since that day, and yet, even in the beauty of Hawaii last week I was afraid of drowning.  Fear runs deep in many of us.  Maybe your not afraid of drowning in water, maybe your fear is drowning in:
– Debt
– Despair
– Disappointment
– Failure
– The Ocean of Bad Relationships
– The Sea of Doubt
– Your Fears About Your Uncertain Future