As I was approaching fifty years old I sought the wisdom of my elders. I sought out men and women older than I was to learn lessons on life that they had been learning.

Monday I began a series entitled A Treasure Chest Of Wisdom. 

The first lesson the wise would teach us is Don’t Hold Grudges
The second lesson was Take Care Of Your Health.

Compassion Makes Sense

Compassion is more important than pleasure. Many people intentionally blind themselves to the needs of others. When I didn’t listen to my mom my mom would call it “selective listening.”

As I was approaching fifty years old I sought the wisdom of my elders.  I sought out men and women older than I was to learn lessons on life that they had been learning.

I would ask: 

I know that you have spent your career with men and women older than yourself.
In that time you have listened and learned as they’ve talked about their lives and their values. You have gathered insights and wisdom from their successes and their failures.

This year I’m turning 50 and I’m starting to feel middle-aged.
I don’t know how old you are, but I know you’ve learned from those older than us.

Watch the way you talk — don’t use foul or abusive language, stop all your dirty talk, do not say harmful things, do not let any unwholesome talk come out, nothing foul or dirty — say the right thing at the right time — each word a gift, good and helpful — and help others by what you say.

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them; say what people need — words that will help others become stronger — words for building others become stronger so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them, that it may benefit those who listen. 1

Last night I was relaxing while listening to Jack Johnson’s “En Concert.”  He’s the kind of artist that helps me relax and feel less alone in my feelings — without prompting me to wallow in them.

His song, “Symbol In My Driveway”, off the On and On album proclaims:

I’ve got a light bulb full of anger
And I can switch it on and off

And, in my best moments, I can shut off my anger; assuring that I neither stuff nor hide my anger.

Shut Off Our Anger

We can express our anger in healthy and mature ways, or not. Most of us have a hybrid healthy-dysfunctional anger management style. Here is an assessment that might help us to examine ways that we handle anger.

Yesterday we explored Two (of the Five) Ways to Handle Anger, here are the remaining three:

Three (of the Five) Ways to Handle Anger 1

3. Passive Aggression

Like open aggression, anger expressed through passive aggression involves preserving personal worth, needs, and convictions at someone else’s expense. But it differs in that it is accomplished in a quieter manner, causing less vulnerability.

We can express our anger in healthy and mature ways, or not.  Most of us have a hybrid healthy-dysfunctional anger management style. Here is an assessment that might help us to examine ways that we handle anger.

Two (of the Five) Ways to Handle Anger 1

No two people are exactly alike in managing their anger [defined earlier as “self preservation of worth, needs and convictions”. Temperaments and circumstances differ widely. But we can identify five general choices that can be made when anger arises: (1) suppression, (2) open aggression, (3) passive aggression, (4) assertiveness, or (5) dropping it. The first three choices tend to perpetuate anger. The last two can lead to success. Let’s examine each separately.

When most people think of anger, they picture a person in a rage.

They have images of slamming doors, shouting, and intimidating communications.

Certainly this is part of the angry response. But anger is not that one-dimensional. It is multifaceted; therefore it should not be stereotyped. It can be found in any temperament. Whether a person is shy or extroverted, perfectionistic or laid-back, he or she can show anger in many ways.

We use the term anger to describe a number of expressions: frustration, irritability, annoyance, blowing off steam, fretting. It is important to realize how each of these reactions is tied to anger.

A teen who slams the door.
A mother who confronts her daughter’s teacher.
A child who scream in the mall.
A father who challenges his son’s coach.

Why? 

Why so angry?
Why did they get so angry?
Why do I get so angry?
Why do you?

It’s important to understanding where our anger is coming from.
exploring how it is affecting our lives, and our relationships with others is important.

To manage our anger, it is important:

– To become aware of situations that prompts anger
– To notice what we are doing when we feel get angry
– To recognize what the consequences are.

Yesterday in Pumpkin-Seed & Peeps I mentioned that embattled people can still be gracious.

It’s true.

We can choose to respect people we don’t like.
– We can choose to tolerate your differences.
– We can choose to talk things out rather than stuff your annoyances.

We can choose to bring happiness.
– If we hug people, let’s offer everyone hugs.
– We can all choose to forget the drama.
– We can all choose to forgive the guilty.

That final point, “choose to forgive the guilty” is a sticking point for many.

This the final entry in a three-part series on chains that lock us down.

To review, “Gotta Be My Way” people and “Drama Draggers” need gentleness; the gentleness God provides will certainly be sufficient.

When we’re chained to self-pity, we “Something I Can Never Have” envious people, need to rest in gratitude and contentment for what they have.

These chains:
Shackle us to selfishness
Clamp our compassion
Fasten our desire to offer forgiveness
Latch us to loneliness
And padlock our potential

There is another chain that anchors us to our past.