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Mar 8

Secrets & “As If”

Posted on Friday, March 8, 2013 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social, Spiritual, TreeHouse, Values

shadow_of_a_friendWe’re examining the power of secrets this week. If you missed the first few, here they are: Hidden Away, Our Hiding and Secrets & Hiding.

Let’s admit two things:
1. I hide my secrets
2. You hide your secrets

While we might protect our secrets for good reasons, sometimes we don’t. Not only that, but sometimes our secrets are the very thing that holds us back from making hope-filled, positive decisions in life.

We stay “stuck.” Stuck in place. Stuck and not making positive changes in our lives.

Josh Groban’s song Happy In My Heartache explains some of his thoughts and actions when he has been stuck; I know his words sound like some of mine, and I think they will sound familiar to you too.

Happy In My Heartache

Coffee is on the table, and I
Just can’t seem to wake up this aching heart of mine
One more day without you and I’ll be fine
I know I’m good for waiting but waiting’s wasted time

Oh and I, I don’t take it lightly,
The trouble that I’ve gone through, to get you to know who I am
Oh and I, I can’t find a reason to be happy in this heartache,
‘Cause I should know better than that
I’m better than that

Wicked winds are blowing through the halls
These old familiar faces are clinging to the walls
I know its cold but I can’t feel at all
And I know these walls are crumbling,
And I won’t stay to watch them fall

But I can’t stop loving you
I don’t know what to do
To keep holding on

Oh I’m better than that

It’s hard when we feel stuck in the past:
– Stuck in old relationships
– Stuck in old feelings
– Stuck in old memories
– Stuck in old hurts and wounds
– Stuck in old ways of dealing with it all

Often times we feel like the lyric in the song, “I don’t know what to do.”

Acting “as if” can be a powerful tool for change in our lives.

Acting “as if” is a positive form of pretending.
It’s a tool we can use to get ourselves unstuck.
It’s a tool to help us make wise decisions.

Acting “as if” can be helpful when a feeling begins to control us.
We make wiser decisions if we feel like we are going to be fine.

When a problem plagues us, acting “as if” can help us get unstuck.
We act “as if” the problem will be or already is solved, so we can go on with our life.

Often, acting “as if” we are getting ready for the good to come.

BUT…

We don’t pretend bad choices are good.
We don’t pretend “no one will find out.”
We don’t pretend we “can get away with it.”
We don’t pretend untrustworthy people can be trusted.
We don’t pretend that someone hasn’t hurt us.

We use acting “as if” to guide us into a new future.

We force ourselves to do what’s right, disregarding our doubts and fears, until our feelings have time to catch up.

Acting “as if” is a positive way to overcome fears, doubts, and a low self-­esteem.

We do not have to lie; we do not have to be dishonest with ourselves.

We open up to the positive possibilities of the future, instead of limiting the future by today’s feelings and circumstances.

Acting as if helps us get past shaky ground and into solid territory.

BUT…it’s not all on your shoulders.”

Melody Beattie explains: “Think of yourself as a basketball player. You’re dribbling down the court, your team is down by one point, and there are twenty seconds left in the game.

It’s pressure-time.

As you dribble past half-court, the other team sets up a trapping defense.

You feel stuck.

You think to yourself, “If I blow this, we’ll lose the game.”

What do you do?

You call a time out and check in with your coach to figure out how to get unstuck, instead of getting trapped and turning the ball over.

Similarly, in life, when faced with a very tough or unfamiliar situation, I want you to call a ‘time out’ and call your coach.”

Your coach could be a wise and trustworthy friend, parent, school counselor or teacher, coach, counselor, therapist, pastor, youth leader or your favorite TreeHouse staff.  =)

We are all here to help you when you want to get unstuck – out of a trap – without making things worse.

Ultimately, God is the one all of us can rely on.

Let me tell you something that might surprise you: Jesus Christ had brothers and sisters, did you know that?

James, one of Jesus’ brothers, was inspired by God to write part of the Bible.  James wrote, “If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won’t correct you for asking.” 2

God promises wisdom to everyone who asks without embarrassing us for asking.

A sample prayer: God, show me the areas where acting as if could help set the stage for the reality I desire. Guide me as I use this powerful recovery tool to help create a better life and healthier relationships.

1 – Adapted and quoted from Melody Beattie’s book The Language Of Letting Go

2 – James 1:5, CEV

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