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Feb 20

Rebuilding After Relationship-Rot

Posted on Wednesday, February 20, 2013 in Uncategorized

crumbling_brickworkBad foundations in relationships lead to relationship-rot.

A bad start to a relationship does not have to be a deal-breaker, but it usually is.

Why does it happen that way?

Because broken people break people, and hurting people hurt people.

– When people assume others will abandon them, they choose not to invest.
– When people assume others are suspicious, they choose not to trust.
– When people assume others will take rather than give, they selfishly protect.
– When people assume others are means to an end: “Greed meets a need.”

That sounds so fatalistic, but it’s not.

Fortunately, hard work and loyalty can make up for a bad start to relationships.

Dick Purnell has some excellent advice for how to build a friendship from within your relationship.

How to Build a Friendship with Someone You’re Dating:1

* Keep physical contact to a minimum.
* Explore new interests and hobbies.
* Do fun activities together.
* Be yourself—don’t put on an act just to get the person to like you.
* Ask open-ended questions (that can’t be answered with “yes” or “no”).
* Listen to the guy’s heart, not just to his words.
* Talk with a godly older couple and discover how they built their friendships.
* Read a good book together and discuss its content.
* Seek to understand the other person’s viewpoint.
* Remember that the more you know about each other before marriage, the fewer negative surprises there will be after the wedding.


1 – By Dick Purnell from Decision Magazine, February 1998 quoted by Tricia Goyer in Mommy Dating 101

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