Posted on Wednesday, April 30, 2014 in Uncategorized
Last night I was reading a book called, “Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome.” Not because I had any inclinations to have an affair – I don’t – but because there is “grass” and I don’t want to ever think that it’s “greener.” So reading about how her marriage is overcoming her affair and “How to Grow Affair-Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage” appeals to me.
“Blind Spots” led to her affair. “Blind Spots” led to the breakdown of their marriage.
We all have blind spots in our life; misguided thinking, bad decisions and the like. Often times other people can see our blind spots but we either ignore, deny, or dismiss them.
Too often blind spots justifies violating morals, breaking vows and abandoning marriages. I don’t want to go that route, ever. In order to safeguard our marriage I’m willing to learn from others’ mistakes. Even better, I want to look to the positive examples of others. My parents and my in-laws have been married for fifty-plus years. I love that!
I also love that I know others who are doing the hard work of love. Yesterday I wrote about the courage of my friends Erica, Wayne and Mandy. Last night I heard Mandy’s parents talk about their thirty-year marriage.
Here are some of the values Craig and Carol hold to as they seek to avoid any blind spots that might try to infiltrate their marriage.
Craig & Carol on Love and Marriage
Craig and Carol started dating as teenagers. They married when Carol was still nineteen. There were many stressful times. “Early on at age 19 we were young, poor & stressed…growing pains are hard.”
What makes it possible to persevere? How can you have a thirty-plus year marriage? “Trust is essential. Honesty is too. Trust and honesty go hand in hand.”
It’s important to “Respect one another’s opinions.” Lots of times couples fight about the dumbest things. So, learning to “compromise is key. You have to learn to choose your battles.”
They added, “Communication + trust = A relationship that will last a lifetime.”
Craig and Carol didn’t mention this, but I know it’s true. The Bible challenges us to, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” 1 Devotion, honor and sacrifice builds trust and mutual respect. “God is at the center of our marriage. God is one thing we always have in common even when we feel (angry, etc.).”
Things to Do
Nancy C. Anderson explains, “Ron and I should have done a number of things to improve our marriage. You can start doing some of them now.” 2
1. Compliment each other.
2. Attend church together regularly.
3. Be honest about your feelings and disappointments.
4. If you’re having problems, ask a trusted, mature Christian couple for help.
I know that couples like Craig and Carol are a treasure to those of us who want to fight off potential blind spots.
“Protect your relationships. Ask for help” is #mysilentscream.
I’ve heard that the “Blind Spots” series was a good one. If you want to catch them all, here they are:
Exposing Blind Spots
More April Fools
Protect Yourself From Blind Spots
1 – Romans 12:10, NLT
2 – From Nancy C. Anderson’s book “Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome,” available here