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Apr 24

Pay Attention

Posted on Thursday, April 24, 2014 in Uncategorized

toiletpaperThis is one of those times maybe I should have checked with someone else before I hit the “Publish” button, but frankly I think it fits my theme so comment your complaints if you need to.

This week we’re discussing Blind Spots. We all have them. Misguided thinking, bad decisions and the like. Often times other people can see our blind spots but we either ignore, deny, or dismiss them.

In the Blind Spots sub-category of “Preventable things I wish didn’t happen to me” I offer the following. I neither assume the following to be factual nor fictional; either way they serve as a warning to those of us who don’t always “pay attention.”

Blind Spots: Pay Attention

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. PAY ATTENTION

Today, my brother pranked-me and sprayed pepper spray on my toilet paper. PAY ATTENTION 

Today, I bought a cute top with some other things. I went to the restroom but not until I realized there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn’t put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. PAY ATTENTION

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend’s house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. PAY ATTENTION

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my butt. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. PAY ATTENTION

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. I’ve been burning for the last half hour. PAY ATTENTION

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. PAY ATTENTION

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. PAY ATTENTION

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I’d peed, I realized that I didn’t have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn’t. PAY ATTENTION

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled “Fine,” and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. PAY ATTENTION

Today, I wanted to prank my sister. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my new outfit. PAY ATTENTION

Credits: Each of these were collected, quoted and edited from fmylife. Photo from Flickr

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