When I have allowed God to come close, as close as I have so far, it can feel overwhelming. I forced back tears just now thinking of how special I felt. At the same time, I know that I willfully and consciously pushed God back because it felt so…overwhelming, that I felt like I couldn’t house God’s love inside of me.
I was on a trip with a group of TreeHouse teens. I was praying.
As is my custom I try to pray, as specifically as I can, for each and every person on our trips. I was alone in a quiet place praying. I remember feeling a rush of enthusiasm about one person. It felt like a a love note flowing into me for that person; it felt like a rush of wonderfulness. I listened and marveled. I enjoyed it so much that I started feeling like I had be blessed with gifts for the teens. I started to write down these “love notes.” The more I wrote the more I felt myself filling up. I felt like I was gonna burst. Tears poured out of my eyes and joy filled my heart. I felt feelings and thought thoughts that were not my own.
In one of the saddest, joy filled moments of my life, I remember saying, “thank you God, but I can’t take any more…” I have felt that intimate love only a couple times in my life. I wish that I would have never said “enough” but I think that I almost feared that I would have died of joy if God kept pouring his love notes into me.
Songwriter Edwin McCain’s song “I’ll Be” expressed sacrificial love like this,
“I’ve been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead.
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
I’ll be your crying shoulder…
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.“
God is our greatest fan; your greatest fan. God loves you with unconditional, no strings attached, love.
This is what I’m experiencing. You can too. This is mysilentscream!