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Dec 29

Old Year Angst – A year is completed and my book isn’t.

Posted on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

Every year I spend some time reflecting.  I look back.  And, then I look ahead.

I’ve learned that sometimes great things happen when I don’t plan ahead, but I’ve also learned that I’ve missed many great opportunities because I did not plan ahead.

Once again, a year is completed and my book isn’t.

I’ve written lots.  Dare I say I’ve even written some pieces I’m proud of.  I’ve written plenty of curriculum, written for the web, blogged and written plenty of pages that may have a meaningful place in the forthcoming book.

And, if I never get published I also learned all about book-binding so someday I can do it all by hand.

But, once again, a year ends with no book in hand.

So as I walk into 2011 I want to invite you along in my mind.

What should you do when you have to do something but you don’t want to?  You avoid it.  You make excuses.  You do most everything you can to try to find too little time to do it.  What do you do when “God” wakes you up in the middle of the night after twenty years of avoiding it and says “do it”?

Try to avoid it of course.

Try to fall back asleep.  Try to make excuses.  Try to talk myself out of it.

So here I am typing on this borrowed laptop.  In the last few years I have broken a couple.  A bad display on one; a broken hinge on another; one that was given to me wasn’t his to give.  How convenient, more excuses!

Excursus – I’m running out of the laptop excuses.  Have you heard about my Christmas present?  Have you watched the video? If not, you can watch it here. I haven’t watched it but others did and loved it.  They watched and they cried.  I know I did  when it was shot!

My avoiding has stopped.  For more than twenty years I have found every excuse possible to avoid writing this book.
I am too busy – I was.
I am too confused – I’ve been.
I got “D’s” in English class – I did.
I’m not smart enough – I’m not.
I’m not gonna say it in a way you will all get it – I’m not gonna.

The intellectual among you will think I’m ignorant, the practical will cut wholes in it, the deep will think I’m shallow; others will think I’m obtuse and inaccessible.

No one’s gonna like it, not even me.

All my fears rise to the surface in waves washing over me:  My mom will read it and feel disappointed it will never be on Oprah, my dad will read and think, “twenty years, it took him twenty years to write that?”  My kids will be embarrassed, my wife will say encouraging words but politely make excuses among her bewildered friends, my friends will laugh, and my detractors will line up.

Why would I write a book I don’t wanna write?

My God wants me to.  God wants me, ME, to write it.  &^%&^!  [No expletive was harmed in the writing of this paragraph; that was my word.]

So write it I will.

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