Posted on Friday, September 2, 2011
in Emotional, Relational, Social, Spiritual, Values
To recap, I had lost faith, given up hope and my solutions I chose left me feeling guilty, dirty and foolish.
Any one of my miserable days, lonely nights or stupid decisions could have been life-altering, but it was a conversation with an equally lost friend that changed my life.
Fortunately, since I was seven, a guy named Steve Schesvold, cared about me.
Steve invited me to join him in church.
Not many people liked me and I liked being pursued. I believed that Steve genuinely cared about me. Steve saw something in me that I couldn’t see in myself. Trapped in my shame I felt too dirty, guilty and thought when the church-people got to know me I would feel unwelcome. So I made excuses.
Dave Murphy and I worked together and we continued to be friends into our college days. One night when Dave and I were driving east on North Avenue I offered him some cocaine.
Dave wisely turned me down.
Just then out-of-the-blue Dave started talking about this guy who told him about the need for Dave to ask Jesus to forgive his sins.
A Crossroad on My Journey
Here was a crisis point for me: Driving on North Avenue underneath the Mannheim Avenue overpass I had a decision to make.
Would I decide wisely?
Would I sit there silently, feeling guilty?
Or, would I admit that I knew God but was acting sinfully?
I decided, very deliberately, that my friend Dave needed the love and forgiveness of Jesus more than I needed him to approve of my cocaine use.
God was working to get my attention.
That night I acted in the fear of God. Despite my intentional sinfulness God wanted my attention, and I knew it. While God never needed my attention, God knew I craved God’s attention. Over and over I had prayed looking for some neon sign to illuminate “Scott, I love you!”
Instead, there under the the Mannheim Avenue overpass in the dark front seat of Dave’s silver Nova I got my neon sign. Actually, I heard nothing, saw no neon signs, I just knew: “Stop settling. Point Dave in God’s direction.”
In my loneliness and flawed decision-making I expressed my dissatisfaction with my life and my circumstances. I was living a lie. Looking for life in things that took it away. I was in a spiritual desert: “The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst…” 1
I was wandering through life looking for some excitement and satisfaction. I hoped that drugs and alcohol would bring me happiness and excitement. Drugs and alcohol were briefly satisfying, but they they emptied my wallet and added to my emptiness.
Fortunately, God never wants us to stay stuck in our pain. “I the LORD will answer them; I…will not forsake them.” 2
God knew the answer to my deepest questions. God knew what my heart hungered for. God knew before I knew I was hungry.
And, God knows you too!
God knows our needs better than we do.
We think we know what’s best.
We try to handle life on our own terms.
God offers us more. 3
Finally, here’s to the guys who stood with me on one of the best days of my journey.
Thanks, to Gerry, Bryan, David [in back], Josh S [in front], Dave & Steve.
24 years, 81 days and still counting my blessings!
1-2 – Isaiah 41:17, NIV
3 – Email me for details