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Sep 1

My Story, Day 3

Posted on Thursday, September 1, 2011 in Uncategorized

I grew up in suburban Chicago with my Mom and Dad, and sister, Kristie.

Looking for Faith

Our family has Lutheran roots, but we were not regular church attendees.

When I was seven years old I was invited by my neighbors to Grace Community Church. 

John Schulmeister was the first person I remember hearing say, “Jesus Christ died for your sins.” That night I asked Jesus to forgive my sins.

I remember it seemed like an obvious decision. I knew that I had sinned. I trusted that Jesus was willing to forgive my sins, and asked him to do so.

Over the next few years when I didn’t feel different I asked Jesus for forgiveness, and “into my life”, a number of other times. And, to June and Barb, Tom and Steve, Dave & Jeff, I say, “thank you for your patience.”

And, to those of you who can relate, “you are not alone!”  I was looking for a neon sign of acceptance that God never lit.

Wishing For Friends

I remember experiencing a lot of sadness and loneliness growing up.

Friendships seemed fleeting. 

When I was in 3rd grade, my best friend, Keith and his brother Mark, moved away.  Then when I was in 4th & 5th grade Gerry was my best friend, but he moved away too.

It seemed like I might find someone to hang with for a day or two, but I was not really friends with anyone until 12th grade.

Hoping for Answers

By the time I was in 12th grade Arnie was my best friend, but, right or wrong, I often felt he would rather be with someone else.

Bored, curious, and irresponsible, drinking and getting high became a routine. I got high before school. I drank in the bathroom at school. Later I would drink or get high until I went home for the night.

I struggled to make wise choices despite my parents efforts to guide me.

Things got so bad that my new best friend was a cocaine dealer by the time I was nineteen.

My use became so daring — and I was so desperate to find a social identity — we would cut lines of cocaine right in the dining room where I worked.

So many stupid, irresponsible thoughts accompany my memories of those days.

I had lost faith, given up hope of finding true friends and my answers left me feeling guilty, sneaky, dirty and foolish.

Any one of my miserable days, lonely nights or stupid decisions could have been life-altering, but it was a conversation with an equally lost friend that changed my life.

More tomorrow.

Bring on the comments

  1. […] To recap, I had lost faith, given up hope and my solutions I chose left me feeling guilty, dirty and foolish. […]

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