Posted on Friday, June 6, 2014 in Uncategorized
It was a mistake.
“We all have times when we find it difficult to avoid making too much of our mistakes and perceived failures. But how do you not take rejection personally? How do you not feel like your world is crashing down around you?” 1
Moving On From Mistakes
Alice Boyes on PsychCentral identified seven ways to avoid personalizing errors and rejection. I commend her insights and I think you will too. Note: Tips 1-3 were discussed yesterday.
“Not taking rejection personally is a skill you can learn, just like any other coping skill. These tips can help get you started.”
“Put yourself in situations in which rejection is likely but doesn’t have any major negative consequences. Doing things such as making requests when you expect you might be told “no” will help you learn that rejection often isn’t personal.”
Don’t be overly eager to please because you’re afraid of being disliked. “If you act overly eager to please, you’ll just end up believing that it’s the only way to be accepted. Be warm but have good boundaries.”
“Believe in your capacity to become someone who doesn’t excessively personalize things. I see a lot of people who seem to have accepted that they’re doomed to a lifetime of being the way they’ve always been.” You can change how you react.
Learn to label your emotions accurately. Emotions drive thoughts as much as thoughts drive emotions.
What emotions trigger personalizing for you? Some common ones include anxiety, embarrassment, disappointment and anger. If you can label your emotional reactions accurately, you can then focus on doing some appropriate self-care to deal with that emotion. Once the emotion subsides, so will the personalizing.
Alice Boyes attests, “appropriate self-care for emotions just involves accepting that you’re having the emotion and patiently waiting for it to pass. The things people do to try to ‘get rid of’ their emotions usually end up causing more harm than good.” On the other hand, I have found great comfort and relief in identifying my feelings, confessing any shortcoming and sin connected to it, and praying to God for relief.
Moving In Then Moving On
The Psalms are a wonderful means for me to give words to my pain and express myself in prayer.
“Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.” 2
The ancient song continues, “Wash me … purify me … create in me a clean heart … restore … forgive me” and then the writer continues, I’ve messed up but don’t let me stay stuck, “Unseal my lips” so I can celebrate the transformation.
You’re alive. You still have time to grow and change.
“Give God room to work” is #mysilentscream, then together we’ll celebrate our transformations.
1 – The original post on PsychCentral can be found here.
2 – Psalm 51:1-2, NLT
3 – Psalm 51:2-19, NLT