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May 9

Living Afraid. “They Will All…”

Posted on Monday, May 9, 2011 in Emotional, How To, Relational, Social

May 3rd I quoted Randy Alcorn, “You are a special creation of a good and all powerful God. You are the climax of his creation, the magnum opus of the greatest artist in the universe. You are created in His image, with capacities to think, feel, and worship that set you above all other life forms. You differ from the animals not simply in degree, but in kind.

Not only is your kind unique, but you are unique among your kind. God has masterminded the exact combination of DNA and chromosomes that constitute your genetic code, making you as different from all others as every snowflake differs from the rest.”

People self-injure for many reasons.  Most reasons are connected to a misguided sense of who they are.  The fear of blame scares us into believing lies about ourselves, our value and that our destiny is determined and controlled by others. Including, “When they find out, they will be blame me for everything that’s wrong.”

Scary thought.  You’ve thought it.  I’ve thought it.  Many “cutters” I’ve met live in the shadow of the fear of blame.

“What if they…”; “What will they…”; I’m afraid if they…”; “When they…”; I’m afraid that they’ll…”; “I know that they’ll…” They fear the consequences of failure.

Seth Gobin wrote, “All of us fail. Successful people fail often, and, [they] learn more from that failure than everyone else.”

What doesn’t help?  “Getting good at avoiding blame and casting doubt.” To paraphrase Gobin, while it may seem like blame increase your chances for survival and happiness, in fact it merely prevents you from learning from worthwhile failures.

Sometimes we put the blame on ourselves. Over the years I’ve probably been hardest on myself when I failed, or when someone was hurt because of me.

My mistakes and your mistakes don’t have the final say about who you and I are.

Let me repeat that: Our mistakes don’t have the final say about who we are.

“… Christ has brought you back to God by dying in his physical body. He did this so that you could come into God’s presence without sin, fault, or blame.” [Colossians 1:22]

How can we fight against our tendency to blame and shame ourselves and others?

Remember the dignity of every person; every person including ourselves even when we fail.  Everyone you have ever known, now know and will ever know is “a special creation of a good and all powerful God.”

Refuse to lash out because of your own fear.  “If someone verbally attacks, criticizes or blames you, try not to respond in the same manner”, wrote Norman Wright.

Rebuild wounded people.  “Do not blame or criticize the other person. Instead, restore…encourage…edify”.  1

1 – From Norman Wright’s Communication: Key To Your Marriage

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